May 24, 2006
Brad Pitt pulls a Britney Spears

Looks like Brad Pitt has been taking child care lessons from Britney Spears. Last Thursday he went for a bicycle ride in Namibia with Maddox and Zahara but didn't properly secure Zahara in a child trailer, instead strapping her to his back in a blue papoose without a helmet. According to the author of The Safe Baby:
"[Zahara] needs a helmet and closed-toe shoes," Holtzman tells Us Weekly, which features photos of the outing in its new issue. "And I highly recommend toddlers ride in a child trailer pulled by a bike. It's more stable and secure." Baby Talk senior editor Christina Vercelletto agreed. Makers of the baby-pack "specifically say, 'Do not use while riding a bike,'" Vercelletto told us. "[It] will affect your balance. The safest place for her would be in a toddler bike seat."
It's encouraging to see Brad Pitt isn't as good at parenting as he is at looking really really good without a shirt on. The only hope the rest of us have as human beings is that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will be so bad at parenting their child doesn't make it past age 12. Because if that genetically perfect son of a bitch reaches adulthood it'll pretty much rule the world. Imagine the power of supermodels, but multiplied by 86 bazillion.
Previous Entries
» Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are fighting» Geri Halliwell and Penn Jillette are idiots
» Pete Wentz still taking inappropriate pictures of himself
» Tara Reid at Cannes
» Brad Pitt skips Cannes, skips baby naming


Comments
1. Posted by Johnny Be Good on May 24, 2006 10:43 AM
What an idiot.
2. Posted by leahdeadly on May 24, 2006 10:43 AM
i stand by my previous comment: their baby will either be really good looking or practically deformed.
3. Posted by DonLes91 on May 24, 2006 10:44 AM
Anyone who'd leave that hot piece of ass Jennifer Aniston can't be too bright anyway.
4. Posted by sharkbite on May 24, 2006 10:45 AM
Uh oh... Angelina better put him in check.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com
5. Posted by Johnny Be Good on May 24, 2006 10:52 AM
Even if Angelina Jolie is amazing looking and a gymnast in bed, is it really worth tagging along with her and her pack of orphans through every third world hellhole on earth? Someday Brad will wake up in a tent somewhere in Africa to a couple of crying kids and an aging Lara Croft and wonder why the fuck he isn't waiting for room service at the Beverly Hills hotel instead.
6. Posted by boobiezmagee on May 24, 2006 10:52 AM
I understand the helmet, but why does the kid need closed toe shoes?
7. Posted by GeannaSparrow on May 24, 2006 10:54 AM
Anybody who follows Britney's parenting skills, should rot in hell.
8. Posted by Agenda of Rage on May 24, 2006 10:55 AM
I would say he's pulling a Kevin Federline as well. But with more talent.
"Angie, I know you're prego, but carry that kid anyway. And always walk behind me, you know, like they do in Saudi Arabia."
But, either way, helluva hot couple.
9. Posted by trulymadlydeeplytori on May 24, 2006 10:59 AM
i really agree with #5.
uhhh Brad Pitt is a hetard. Im surprised he didnt put her in a pot and cook her.
10. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 10:59 AM
As quoted in Safe Baby: "Also, Sean Preston should be wearing a helmet 24/7".
11. Posted by Jacq on May 24, 2006 11:11 AM
At this point, he could leave her to bake in the desert, crack open her head and eat the brains and STILL be a better parent than Shitney.
Look people, they're under a shroud of secrecy in Namibia so that no one can photograph them abusing their kids.
So they string him up for this stuff about Zahara and no one cares that Maddox was riding in the front of the bike? On Brad's erect penis?
12. Posted by grateful on May 24, 2006 11:16 AM
I can't wait for the pics of Angie in a dissheveled halter top & thong up to her navel.
13. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 11:25 AM
Angie hearts Billy Bob.
14. Posted by Proteon on May 24, 2006 11:26 AM
Hmm nobody was hurt in this story. I think the story might have been called:
BRAD PITT TAKES KID FOR A RIDE ON BYCICLE.
Yawn.
15. Posted by Fisher55 on May 24, 2006 11:34 AM
Do they even *have* closed-toe shoes in Namibia?
I think when you live there, you grow skin on your feet that functions as thick sturdy "closed-toe" leather shoes anyhow
16. Posted by Fisher55 on May 24, 2006 11:35 AM
i mean really, why is that child even clothed? brangelina have no respect for native Namibian custom, obviously
17. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 11:36 AM
I just love how pissed they look in this picture.
18. Posted by gas_up_the_hrududu on May 24, 2006 11:38 AM
Hey, at least he wasn't making Maddox pull him around in a rickshaw. "Yah, mule!" *cracks whip*
19. Posted by Craig & "em" on May 24, 2006 11:44 AM
Damn...the title of this was just a lil misleading!
I was all anxious to read about Brad Pittiful, and how he just broke down into tears at a Zahara restaurant while swatting at flies saying, "I could have had any chick I wanted...now I'm no more than a baby's daddy to a whole fucking country"! All the while George Clooney is in the background at the bar, squeezing two brazilian models asses while watching the new Jennifer Aniston movie saying..."Brad...get over here! You gotta see this movie...it's funny as hell and Jen looks great! Do you still have her number?"
OK...I have a long winded imagination, but that don't mean it can't happen!
20. Posted by Charlaurz McHall on May 24, 2006 11:55 AM
#2, I totally agree. this child could be really beautiful, but it could easily go so wrong. Angelina and Brad are good looking in individual ways that only really work on them...if this baby just ends up with all their weird bits it could look like an alien! oh let's hope so! (i am kidding, sort of...i know it is not the baby's fault)
oh yeah, another 'celeb' baby was born recently:
http://celebreligion.com
21. Posted by Zanna on May 24, 2006 11:58 AM
Why do they need a helmet? They're surrounded by nice soft sand.
Anyway, I've seen two good looking people have ugly kids and I've seen two HEINOUS people have gorgeous kids. You just never know but I'm hoping for a freakshow.
22. Posted by IFuckingHateYou on May 24, 2006 11:59 AM
Pitt sucks and I remember reading somewhere that he has BO that is just god-awful.
Jolie is a skanky whore who's lips are fatter than her thighs, just grotesque. Their baby will be one fugly little shit.
Why anybody would leave Jennifer Aniston for a skank who banged Billie Bob and enjoys making out with her brother just mystifies me.
TCLTC.
23. Posted by Dr.Rokter on May 24, 2006 12:00 PM
"Baby Talk"? "A magazine for obsessive/compulsive parents suffering from accute anxiety disorder".
"How to keep your child safely encased in a rubberized foam shell until age 21."
"Top Ten, 'Genius Toys' that encourage strong cognitive development and a rich emotional life."
"100 virulently poisonous chemicals your child shouldn't consume - but you were too stupid to know better."
"Best developmental theories of 2006: how creating a 'dialogue' with Baby nutures the passionate soul of children and their parents!"
"Fire burns and knives are sharp: 100 potentially dangerous things to fret over endlessly to make sure your child grows up hostile and nuerotic."
24. Posted by Linnea on May 24, 2006 12:00 PM
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie could have a native Nambian baby roasting and everybody would still like them better than Jennifer Anniston. Ah fame, such a faint flicker. Like burning babies. Except not.
25. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 12:04 PM
I hope the baby is a boy with her big lips. A boy with those lips would make a great drag queen.
26. Posted by vanya_k on May 24, 2006 12:06 PM
That baby will be great looking as long as they can replicate the very effective plastic surgery they both have gotten.
They should set up an escrow fund for the kid that it can use when it gets to be 18 or whatever age they allow people to start getting p-surgery.
27. Posted by MeanNate on May 24, 2006 12:08 PM
You know, not too long ago, kids got to ride bikes without helmets, they got guns for Christmas, and everything wasn't "child-proofed" ... the ones that were stupid enough to die, died. And the world was a better place.
Now that natural selection has come to a screeching halt, I saw we encourage the Britneys and Brads of the world to just keep doin' what they're best at... being self-centered pricks.
28. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 12:14 PM
I love you, MeanNate.
29. Posted by JerseyGlamGirl on May 24, 2006 12:15 PM
I heard that Zaharra has "Rickets" ..... Can you die from that ?? SO SAD.
30. Posted by Zanna on May 24, 2006 12:20 PM
Where did you hear she had rickets?
http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/articles/article.aspx?articleId=323§ionId=9224
31. Posted by JerseyGlamGirl on May 24, 2006 12:23 PM
I read it on the internet, so who knows how true it is. However, that would explain why she isn't walking yet.
32. Posted by gogoboots on May 24, 2006 12:33 PM
The helmet makes the baby so much heavier, come on, she's on his back, don't you know?!
33. Posted by Phoenix on May 24, 2006 12:36 PM
Oh well, shit happens.
34. Posted by ranesing on May 24, 2006 12:37 PM
How do you know she is not walking yet?
35. Posted by PapaHotNuts on May 24, 2006 12:40 PM
Big fucking deal. I'm pretty sure falling of a bicycle is better that fighting flies for that last grain of rice Zahara would be looking forward to if she hadn't been adopted. She'd be washing her only shirt in the same river the villagers piss in while dodging crocodiles in 150 degree heat. Let the baby fall, she needs to toughen up anyway if she's gonna to school with rich white kids.
36. Posted by The Girl on May 24, 2006 12:51 PM
You know what I think is interesting? That everyone assumes this kid is going to be beautiful. Have you seen Brad Pitt's brother? Not all that cute, really. And Angelina came from John Voigt. He's not really all that much too look at either. So just because Brad and Angie are both disgustingly easy on the eyes doesn't mean their kid will be. What if it comes out looking like Angie's brother? *shudder*
37. Posted by gossipmonger on May 24, 2006 12:55 PM
Found this online: 16 month-old Zahara Jolie-Pitt suffers from rickets, a bone disorder that she developed while in an Ethopian orphanage. When she came down with a cold, Brad learned that rickets makes her more susceptible to all sorts of diseases that are common in Africa, including malaria and yellow fever. He became concerned for her health and brought her back to the states for medical care. Babies get sick a lot and Zahara will probably be fine, but this reopens the conflict between Angelina and Brad as to where Angelina will give birth.
38. Posted by Jacq on May 24, 2006 12:59 PM
#36 - I much more like the idea of JV's huge, ugly head on a baby's body. That or a Conan O'Brien If They Mated baby.
39. Posted by Jedi Kevin on May 24, 2006 01:00 PM
That was a Britney-sized mistake, but I'm sure the double standards police won't allow Brad to take the same kind of heat.
40. Posted by ash23 on May 24, 2006 01:01 PM
that baby is going to be georgeous!!!
and angie is going to be upset because brad is going to make difference between his son and angies adopted kids
41. Posted by crazydelicious on May 24, 2006 01:02 PM
who gives a fuck what that pussy does?
he's such a low-life.
42. Posted by ash23 on May 24, 2006 01:02 PM
that baby is going to be georgeous!!!
and angie is going to be upset because brad is going to make difference between his son and angies adopted kids
43. Posted by Proteon on May 24, 2006 01:03 PM
#37 I liked Dennis Leary's Christmas special too you theif.
44. Posted by tits_on_snack on May 24, 2006 01:06 PM
1) Ange looks like a bone-rack Posh Spice.
2) Does she have Zahara strapped on her, overtop of her pregnant belly, while Brad carries nothing?
3) Ange looks like a bone-rack Posh Spice.
45. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 01:11 PM
I wish my bitch was as hot as Brad.
46. Posted by Edna Bambrick on May 24, 2006 01:16 PM
I will pray for all. Jesus Saves.
47. Posted by UNWASHEDMASSES on May 24, 2006 01:18 PM
People are bitching about Pitt's parenting skills with regards to bicycle safety?? They are raising those kids in Namibia, for Christ's sake. If that isn't a commentary on their parenting skills, I don't know what is. Namibians don't want to live in Namibia, and these two rich fux willingly do? I hope the witch doctor has steady hands when he circumsises baby Muumu-Googanga. I hope a Marxist-led uprising doesn't occur that leads to wholesale slaughter and wanton cannibalism. I hope neither Pitt nor Jolie come down with some incurable, bizarre, freakish ailment that is highly communicable and certainly deadly. I mean, they're in Africa, what's the worst that could happen? The kid falls of his bike and stubs a toe... only to be ravaged by a pack of lions.
48. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 01:21 PM
That baby will look like a sack of shit.
And even if it doesn't, it still will be a fucked up mess. That kid will be making out with Zahara and Maddox at some club in 16 years.
I'm in a pissy mood because my coworker is eating stinky left-over goulash and slopping it around with her mouth open.
I feel like kicking someone in the cunt.
49. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 01:23 PM
48 you should go microwave some stinky leftover fish. Nothing worse than stinky leftover fish.
50. Posted by Zanna on May 24, 2006 01:23 PM
Okay, here is her brother James (Jamie) when they were kids:
http://www.angelfire.com/celeb/jameshavenvoight/james_superman.jpg
here is her brother now (his eyes are as big as her lips):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Haven
Doug Pitt is second from the bottom on this site - but also notice on your scrolldown the nice romantic lip lock between Angelina and her brother.
http://www.thephatphree.com/Features.asp?SectionID=3&StoryID=1662&LayoutType=1
51. Posted by Zanna on May 24, 2006 01:24 PM
Pinky....make a face like you smell something really bad and go, 'WHAT'S THAT SMELL' and then look directly at her twat.
52. Posted by Erin on May 24, 2006 01:24 PM
I really don't see big deal about this. He's riding around on a bike in the desert, not the middle of Manhattan. Bicycle, people, not motor bike. Nobody wore helmets when I was a kid, so I never really have gotten the helmet thing anyway.
53. Posted by M@ce on May 24, 2006 01:28 PM
Enough with all the "baby safety" crap. Ninety percent of the people on the planet don't use or have access to all the crap people in this country use to secure their hellspawn, and you know what? Their children somehow survive.
Helmet and close toed shoes...fucking ridiculous.
SMASH!!
54. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 01:31 PM
Zanna~
That second picture of him is freaking me out. Those eyes! He looks like some creature in a low-budget Sci-Fi channel movie.
P.S. Incest is best.
55. Posted by Fisher55 on May 24, 2006 01:34 PM
here's a XMas card photo of Angie and her brother:
http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/502/2_31.jpg
56. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 01:36 PM
Maybe Angie thinks that it's not really incest if your brother is gay.
57. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on May 24, 2006 01:45 PM
Dropping your baby on his head and then trying to juggle him with a styrofoam cup full of vodka and then threatening to shoot him is not the same as safely securing your baby to your back with Nambian-woven cloths (which are the strongest in the world - made from %100 Cherokee hair). I say Brad beats Britney again, just like last year's celebrity strip MahJong tournament, which was on pay-per-view.
58. Posted by Mr. Lucas Brice on May 24, 2006 01:47 PM
Let's see, Brad Pitt is fathering a biological kid with Angelina and he's adopted her foundlings, which means that after the inevitable breakup, he's going to be paying big, big bucks in child support.
We already know that Pitt bails when things get rough, and the average lifespan of a Hollywood relationship is a year at best. I hope Pitt can still get acting jobs, he's going to need a steady stream of cash.
www.mrnumerology.com/celebrities.htm
59. Posted by M@ce on May 24, 2006 01:52 PM
The kid is going to be a stunningly beautiful hermaphrodite who, being unable to find any other human anywhere close to good looking enough to have sex with, will screw itself until it disappears up its own asshole.
60. Posted by Charlaurz McHall on May 24, 2006 01:55 PM
i really hope that the kid turns out to be ugly. i just want it to end up with all he odd features these two have, in a really weird combination... otherwise i think the world has really serious threat facing it... a child that can blind people with its beauty.
http://celebreligion.com
61. Posted by Dee on May 24, 2006 01:59 PM
She acts like she's roughing it in Africa, yet she has an OB traveling with her.
62. Posted by Autumn on May 24, 2006 02:02 PM
I am so sick of these two morons...she's always been weird but I used to actually think he was a cool guy. Why must he be a turn into whomever he dates?! Grow some balls!
63. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 02:05 PM
At the top of the page in the ad section it says: "Britney's Fat-Loss Secret
How Britney lost her extra weight. And how you can too! Her secret."
Who the fuck are they talking about?! Certainly not the queen of all cheetos.
64. Posted by Fisher55 on May 24, 2006 02:23 PM
why does this site suck so much lately? they only post new stories in groups now? wtf??
65. Posted by Xanthia on May 24, 2006 02:26 PM
Good Freaking Grief! How many of us were trussed up and covered in pads and helmets when we were riding bikes????? Wow - what fun. Let's go to a country that has a heat index of probably about 5,000 in a scrub brush shade, slap a helmet and closed toe shoe son, maybe some knee pads, elbow pads, long sleeves and long pant son - but hey! The heat stroke is nothing compared to the danger of riding a freaking bike without a helmet!!!
Now - back to making fun of Britney..........
66. Posted by Twisted Humor on May 24, 2006 02:28 PM
ANGELINA: I want to give birth in Namibia.
BRAD: Why, my love?
ANGELINA: Because then, technically, our child will be African-American. And that means lots of college scholarships.
BRAD: I love it when you cheat the system.
67. Posted by Dee on May 24, 2006 02:29 PM
Brad Pitt strikes me as being a huge bore. That's probably why he morphs into whoever he's with, he has no personality of his own.
I don't know why anyone feels bad for Jennifer Anston, dating Vince Vaughn must be alot more fun then dating/being married to Brad Pitt.
68. Posted by Clarky972 on May 24, 2006 02:30 PM
Speaking of good looking people having ugly children, have you seen Bruce Willis and Demi Moore older daughter? She really got the weirdest parts of both parents
69. Posted by Zanna on May 24, 2006 02:31 PM
Pinky~
Wanna pretend your my sister?
70. Posted by Zanna on May 24, 2006 02:35 PM
@68 - good point. Rumor is better looking than Scout though.
http://tv.zap2it.com/photos/index/0,1237,zp_fromThumb%7C92273%7C94818,00.html
71. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 02:36 PM
64 I KNOW!
68 I KNOW!! The cutest is Tallulah.
72. Posted by liveoutside on May 24, 2006 02:39 PM
Funny-- I thought the heading was referring to Brad's hat. I would swear that Britney was wearing that hat in one of her videos...
73. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 02:40 PM
59 M@ce....Holy shit, that ruled!
People are so over protective, the playground in my elementary school was 3/4" gravel and cactus, and we played tackle football everyday. Buncha pussies getting more and more sissified everyday. Scabs, whiskey and broken bones are good for kids. Look how awesome I turned out.
74. Posted by Italian Stallion on May 24, 2006 02:40 PM
My parents originally tried to raise me African but I kept chocking on the chicken bones so they decided it would be better to raise me Catholic.......Lets just say that priest deserved to be shot, there's nothing in the bible about touching my sausage.......
75. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 02:42 PM
I seriously bet the kid ends up looking like Angie's brother. Eww!
76. Posted by Zanna on May 24, 2006 02:42 PM
Guess whose bored today (that'd be me).
A link to what celebrities babies would look like. WARNING: The Heidi Klum/Seal hybrid is particularly distrubring.
http://www.handbag.com/galleries/gallery/gossip/celebrity_lives/family_offspring/
77. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 02:45 PM
Stallion;
What about that passage where dude gets eaten by the whale...I always thought that was an analogy that allowed priests to feel little boys. Cause gay whales will attack a submaringe to suck out all the sea-men.
78. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 02:47 PM
M@ce, you make me hot when you speak like a normal person.
And I agree, not having a helmet on a kid on a bicycle is NOT the same thing as driving around L.A. (Malibu?) with a baby on your lap.
Brad used to be semi-cool, and Angie, though beautiful, is a fucking freakshow.
79. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 02:47 PM
Tranny Granny, where in CO are you from? Perhaps we are neighbors?
80. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 02:50 PM
Saucie,
I live in the mountains outside Boulder. Howza bout u?
81. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 02:55 PM
Tranny - Monument, across from the Air Force Academy.
82. Posted by Fisher55 on May 24, 2006 02:58 PM
they have the internet in boulder? you guys have indoor plumbing too?
83. Posted by IFuckingHateYou on May 24, 2006 02:59 PM
Seriously, do you people think Angelina is hot? Even before she got knocked up and huge? I've always thought she was freaky-looking with those twig-like arms & legs and ballons glued to her face where lips should be. I just don't get it.
84. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 03:00 PM
Fisher....I don't live in Boulder, I'm about 30 miles west, the town is so small no one has heard of it. And I live way the fuck back in the woods from there. Boulder has more millionaires per capita than anywhere. And, funnily enough, I lived for the first year without running water or indoor plumbing.
85. Posted by Italian Stallion on May 24, 2006 03:01 PM
@77 make Stallion laugh....M@CE probably want to SMASH submaringe though........
86. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 03:02 PM
Saucie;
Where is your pass at? I missed getting the Co pass last year (in Miami for work) so I went to Eldora all season. Can't wait to tear up Keystone again this year!
87. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 03:08 PM
Tranny, alas, I do not ski. My recreational sport of choice is motorcross trail riding. Have 2 kids and hubby who is triathlete so we have to choose wisely. Although I watched the Olympic snowboard cross and thought it looked like ass-kicking fun.
88. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 03:09 PM
I wish I was cool and lived in Colorado.
Zanna.. hello sis.
89. Posted by Jacq on May 24, 2006 03:12 PM
#71 - By cutest you mean least ugly of the bunch, right? Even with the money and priviledge (sp? I don't give a shit today), I can't pick one of them that I would like to be. Speaking of If They Mated...
#85 - Submaringe or sub-minge? I would think that on a hermaphrodite, the sub-minge is the micropenis.
90. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 03:17 PM
I thought Minge was one of Madonna's nicknames.
91. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 03:19 PM
Saucie;
I'm getting a motorcycle when I get home, awesome riding right out my back door.
Jacq; I can't spell! but I love what you did with sub-minge
92. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 03:21 PM
89 yes exactly! I give Ashton 5 years before he hits it.
93. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 03:21 PM
I must say it is the most fun you can have with all your clothes on.
94. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 03:22 PM
Oh, great. I'm being moderated again...
95. Posted by Italian Stallion on May 24, 2006 03:24 PM
Jacq, either I'm an idiot, or Tranny is (no offense bitch) , because I thought he was trying to say Submarine and accidentally hit a "g" too, but if he was being funny with the Sub-minge then I'm the Idiot because I don't even know what the hell that is. Maybe I should ask CruisingForCock, she's obviously an expert on cock's or perhaps you can explain it............
96. Posted by Jacq on May 24, 2006 03:31 PM
#95 - Let me clear this up. You're an idiot. But only for thinking that anyone on the face of the planet know more about the penis than myself. But that's ok, cause I love you.
Tell me though, how big are your fingers (the both of yous) that you accidentally hit the n & the g at the same time? I'm intrigued... Er, wait, Tranny are you still typing with your tongue?
#92 - Totally Woody and Soon-Yi.
97. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 03:33 PM
Saucie; Ride naked, but wear a brain-bucket
Stallion: No offense...I got all my rabidly lashing out of my system last night. Tsaramanda's ass probably still hurts. (I'm willing to love you today, girl)
Where was I, Typo with the G on my end. Minge is another glorious word for pussy, cunt, vagina, pink, taco, coochie, flower...shit, am I out of synonyms already
98. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 03:37 PM
twat
99. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 03:38 PM
snatch
quim
beaver
100. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 03:39 PM
well, this is just a piece of the cunt:
beef curtains
101. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 03:40 PM
venus flytrap
102. Posted by rmeno on May 24, 2006 03:43 PM
#20 & #21 Yes I know what you mean...everyone thought that Demi Moore and Bruce Willis' kids would be great looking...no luck there..not even one out of 3 look normal...
103. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 03:45 PM
Awesome! and I just remembered my favorite: Cooze. Man, that just doesn't come up in conversation enough.
Jacq; The hands are decent sized, I really am 6'2". Now, penis expert I need you to look at mine...closer....closer
104. Posted by rmeno on May 24, 2006 03:45 PM
#83...yes I agree, strange looking.....even when she's smiling she looks like she's frowning...kinda like nicole kidman.
105. Posted by k37744 on May 24, 2006 03:46 PM
vajayjay.
106. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 03:49 PM
Puchana
Hujay
Yoni
Funbox
107. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 03:50 PM
cootchie-pop
peaches
108. Posted by rmeno on May 24, 2006 03:50 PM
Does anyone know how old Zahara is?? Seems like she's had it forever and is ALWAYS toting it around...it doesn't look like it's growing at all...I think they carry it around wayyyyy to much! That kid will never learn to walk!
109. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 03:56 PM
special purpose
For all you losers and middle school students out there that is a reference to the movie the Jerk starring Steve Martin. Rent it and learn.
110. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 03:56 PM
poonany, gash, box
111. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 03:59 PM
I like to call my cunt "the velvet tunnel of love". And its motto is "once you visit, you'll never want to leave".
112. Posted by Marten on May 24, 2006 04:05 PM
I say, as an aspiring Celebrity Commentator, that there must be love between these two, because looks alone can only last about a couple months, Tops. And how is she holding that baby on top of that other baby? Are pregnant women's stomach's like turtle shells? That'd be like the ultimate defense. 9 months of neigh-invulnerability. I'd be pregnant forever!
113. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 04:06 PM
Pinky, you may not live in CO, but you're still cool.
114. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 04:09 PM
Hatchet Wound
Gash
Cockholster (although more often used for mouth)
115. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 04:09 PM
Saucie; I say we make her an honorary member *sprinkles granola*
116. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 04:09 PM
Dinner!
117. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 04:10 PM
Tranny: Only 6'2"? Shrimp. :) 6'8" here. Woo hoo!
118. Posted by Jacq on May 24, 2006 04:10 PM
bacon strip
119. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 04:10 PM
Saucie & Tranny; you da bomb.
I go well with merlot.
120. Posted by bigponie on May 24, 2006 04:12 PM
why not just call it "pussy", sounds more delicious
121. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 04:12 PM
Jacq: I know your bacon strip sizzles.
122. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 04:12 PM
#115 Okay, Tranny. *splash of Fat Tire*
123. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 04:13 PM
Blister Box
oh wait, that just applies to Paris.
124. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 04:14 PM
Pinky, you are now an official member of the CO kool kid klub. Be sure to eat your granola, drink your Fat Tire and drive your car on the highway like an absolute asshole. Welcome!
125. Posted by Jacq on May 24, 2006 04:15 PM
Tranny, are you typing with your penis? My mind is racing. I so look forward to talking with you here everyday.
All of you tall boys stop it before you get me all excited and I slip off of my chair. I already had to have Stanley Steemer come here to clean it once.
#109 - That movie is awesome! Come on, shithead! You mean I'm not black?!
126. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 04:20 PM
#125 I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, but to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days.
127. Posted by Jacq on May 24, 2006 04:22 PM
#121 - TSSSSSSSS! Don't cook bacon naked!
128. Posted by Jacq on May 24, 2006 04:23 PM
#126 - LOL - SOM
129. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 04:25 PM
Tall guys give me trouble. I'm barely over five feet tall and I've had to experiment with tons of new positions(besides the obvious options) to deal with the height differences...
However, I do get to feeling all safe and feminine when I'm standing next to a damn mountain...
130. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 04:28 PM
@124: Thanks! I'm blushing with anticipation of telling folks I'm actually from Colorado.
Instead, I have the distinct "honor" of residing in Katie Holmes hometown. No shit. Her parents live a 1/2 mile from me.
131. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 04:29 PM
P.S. Hope that doesn't effect my cool factor.
132. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 04:30 PM
Fa Cube: 6'8"? My old roomate was that big, and he drove the tiniest truck, funny shit. Like a clown at the circus.
Saucie, just remembered Hey, Coors drinkers: I live at the top of the watershed that produces the delicious Rocky Mountain Beverage, and everytime I get home from travelling, I go piss in Clear Creek. Just can't help myself.
133. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 04:34 PM
Sooo, that's why Coors tastes like piss!!
134. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 04:38 PM
Ari; had a girlfriend that was 4'11" once, I could pick her up with one hand. Short, bendy chicks rule!
Pinky; That is so bizarre that her parents live by you. I could send you pics of your new state, it's pretty awesome. Although Saucie is right about the drivers. Considering we have a shitload of 12,000 foot plus passes, and they don't have guardrails, you'd figure the drivers would be better.
Jacq; and to I used to think you were a guy, you sexy bitch. tyght defefe juik....nope, can't type with the penis, though.
135. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 04:41 PM
Tranny--
I've gotten to where I really like guys that can toss me around like a ragdoll, so.. yeah, being small can be fun.
136. Posted by Fisher55 on May 24, 2006 04:42 PM
the vag thread
137. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 04:43 PM
Yeah, I couldn't pick them out of a crowd of one, but everyone knows where they live. You should see how fucking excited the fucktard local newscasters get if they think her and tom will be in town. They act like they're going to be shopping at our local mall.
Oh yeah, an even bigger celeb from Toledo... Jamie Farr. What a fucking fag. Throws a big LPGA outing here every year. Lesbians as far as the eye can see.
138. Posted by Fisher55 on May 24, 2006 04:43 PM
speaking of beef curtains, how bout that steak ad up there...yum
139. Posted by BigJim on May 24, 2006 04:48 PM
Tranny:
I don't believe that cooze directly applies to describing female genitalia. Rather, I think it is used to describe what comes out of the female genitals.
For example:
Cunt + Ooze = Cunt Ooze = Cooze
140. Posted by BigJim on May 24, 2006 04:51 PM
Furry vertical burrito
Bearded clam
Camel toe
And a whole bunch more here: http://www.starma.com/penis/muffy/muffy.html
141. Posted by bigponie on May 24, 2006 04:53 PM
smells like "pussyfart" in here...
142. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 04:54 PM
And are you diggin' it?
143. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 04:55 PM
the "o" superhighway
144. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 04:56 PM
I enjoy experimenting what can fit in the Velvet Tunnel of Love. Last week it was a banana, Papa's cock, my tongue and Osh's thumb, which was dipped in peanut butter, ALL AT THE SAME TIME...
Tomorrow, I thought I'd try my foot, Tranny's balls and some chocolate syrup.
145. Posted by BigJim on May 24, 2006 04:58 PM
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I just love the word "cunt."
CUNT!
Cu cu cu Cunt!
I love the word, and I love them. Cunts are wonderful, beautiful things, especially when they're shaved.
146. Posted by pinky_nip on May 24, 2006 04:59 PM
Thanks krisdylee. If your tunnel was a cottage I'd rent it for the summer.
147. Posted by BigJim on May 24, 2006 05:00 PM
krisdylee:
You let your dad fuck you? That's kinda creepy. Oh, were you talking about PapahotNuts?
Well, that's still creepy.
148. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:00 PM
BigJim, I like the Southern Smile the best. I'm grinning like crazy right about now.
149. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:02 PM
BigJim, you're not jealous that I didn't mention you, right? Cuz I ain't sharing you with any of the whores around here. Your cock is mine.
150. Posted by BigJim on May 24, 2006 05:04 PM
Then I hope you never find out about me and Zanna.
151. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 05:05 PM
Isn't it about time for some asshat to wander in here and berate everybody for being off topic?
152. Posted by BigJim on May 24, 2006 05:06 PM
If you're talking about pussy or nailing hot chicks, you're never off topic.
153. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:06 PM
Off topic is what I love about the SF. So fuck all of you who don't like it.
154. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:07 PM
BigJim, I feel angst between us, and I'd much rather feel your balls on my chin.
155. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 05:09 PM
BigJim;
I prefer Shaven, not Furred as well
Kris; How did you know by balls are always covered in choc syrip, just in case?
Pinky Isn't J Farr the dude who played Klinger on MASH?
156. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:10 PM
Shaved is the best, as long as the guy shaves as well.
157. Posted by Jacq on May 24, 2006 05:11 PM
#134 - I can be whatever you want *wink wink*. I'm actually a chick - a cool as shit slutty chick.
158. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 05:13 PM
Slutty chicks Rule!!! We've been wasting time!
159. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:16 PM
I finally feel at home, surrounded by slutty chicks and horny guys. I was always picked on for being provacawhorishly slutty. I'm *sniff* just so glad....
160. Posted by BigJim on May 24, 2006 05:17 PM
Me so horny. Me love you long time.
161. Posted by BigJim on May 24, 2006 05:18 PM
And by long, I mean loooonnngg.
162. Posted by smokeyrobinson on May 24, 2006 05:23 PM
krisdylee's clap could turn off the lights.
163. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:24 PM
who the fuck are you?
164. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 05:26 PM
Have you guys heard Buck Cherry's new song, "Crazy Bitch" It makes me think of all the delightful young ladies of the Superfish.
Some lyrics: "You, you're a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good I'm on top of it, I dream of fucking you all night long" etc.
It's the mood music I'm gonna put on for the next chick drunk enough to come home with me.
165. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:27 PM
Seriously, Tranny, that's me and my hubby's theme song.
166. Posted by smokeyrobinson on May 24, 2006 05:29 PM
The voice of experience, that's who.
167. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:31 PM
perhaps you'd like to experience my foot up your fat ass then.
168. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 24, 2006 05:33 PM
Honeypot!
169. Posted by smokeyrobinson on May 24, 2006 05:38 PM
I wouldn't like it. My ass isn't as loose as yours.
170. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 05:42 PM
Kris; by the voice of experience, he means he has gotten the clap more than once, just not smart enough to wrap the willy up before banging a $20 street whore. (that's about 18, Canadian) But hey, when you look like a festering pile of rat feces, who else will fuck you?
Feed Me, I love honey
171. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 05:42 PM
Prepare for a Superfish smackdown. My money is on Krisdylee.
172. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 05:44 PM
You know, the "O" superhighway is sometimes a toll road.
173. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 05:44 PM
Mine too, Saucie
174. Posted by smokeyrobinson on May 24, 2006 05:46 PM
You probably would, Tranny. Who knows what you have.
I'll give you the hive.
175. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 05:46 PM
I am pretty sure that when Krisdylee is done smokey is going to be wishing he'd agreed to the foot up his ass instead.
176. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:46 PM
I suggest shutting the fuck up, smokey, before the curse of sherry-co and HWMNBN falls upon your pimply head.
177. Posted by bigponie on May 24, 2006 05:47 PM
there's nuttin' better in life than pussy, beer and sports...
lick it, kiss it, drink it, watch it, poke it, it's all good!!!
178. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 24, 2006 05:47 PM
Woo-hoo! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Tranny--it's especially good slathered on my perky nipples.
179. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:48 PM
*sniff*
anyone smell that?
oh, it's smokey's ass, pre-kicked by me.
180. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 24, 2006 05:48 PM
Smokey will give Tranny the hive, but ONLY after he has had his way with it.
Hey, look on the bright side--the bee stings will make your cock look bigger.
181. Posted by Saucie on May 24, 2006 05:50 PM
Krisdylee also gets an A++ for the word provacawhorishly today. MLAB
182. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 24, 2006 05:50 PM
He's never one to pass up an obliging hole.
183. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 05:51 PM
That whole 'voice of experience' thing makes me think of the disembodied "wizard" voice from Wizard of Oz.
I can see a little nervous man hiding in the curtains...
184. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:55 PM
Sshh, everyone, I can hear whimpering. C'mon, smokey, c'mon out, that's a good boy. aaww, he looks like a puppy that's been smacked one too many times. An ugly puppy, a smelly puppy, a puppy with no friends. I don't usually like to kick puppies though.
What the fuck...
*kick*
185. Posted by HughJorganthethird on May 24, 2006 05:56 PM
Somebody move that brown thing on Angie's chest, I can't see her tits..
186. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 05:56 PM
BTW, thanks, Saucie. I do love that word.
187. Posted by bigponie on May 24, 2006 05:56 PM
all this cunty talk.
had to be on the same day my secretary calls in sick... fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck,
188. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 05:58 PM
I thought he said he wanted to give me HIV? Sorry bud, don't swing that way. I'm more of a wanna toss Ari, lick some honey, dip my balls in chocalate kinda guy. Saucie, you may consider yourself visually violated as well.
189. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 24, 2006 05:58 PM
Krisdylee, he's gone to go change into his OTHER Kling-on costume, since he just shat himself. Darn those dry-cleaning bills!
190. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 06:00 PM
Ari, Saucie; It's always a toll road one way or another, but the price seems reasonable to me!
191. Posted by bigponie on May 24, 2006 06:04 PM
back to the business at hand...
why in hell is angelina wearin' a black shirt and jeans, isn't africa like a thousand degrees over there?
192. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 06:06 PM
I never did find Brad Pitt attractive. But for some strange reason, I fucked Steve Carrel in my dream the other night. Weird.
193. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 06:07 PM
Am I the only one who's noticed that this is an OLD picture? She's not pregnant, at least not long pregnant, here. If it was a recent pic, Zahara would be angled over her belly like an awning on a bulding.
(ok, it makes sense to me...)
194. Posted by smokeyrobinson on May 24, 2006 06:11 PM
Oh Kris and Tranny, you're the pitchers in the chain gang, aren't you? You should all be bestsellers with that kind of diction rather than being the best at selling your bodies.
Hard to contend nepostism. But twas a cheap thrill.
195. Posted by smokeyrobinson on May 24, 2006 06:12 PM
Sorry, nepotism without the first "s", beat you to it.
196. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 06:19 PM
Polesmokey
That post didn't make a damn bit of sense. Nepotism means favoring relatives or personal friends because of their relationship rather than because of their abilities. Try memorizing another big word and using that one in context. Oh, I only argue with people whose comebacks I find amusing (BigJim, that's why I like fucking with you) bummer for you, fucktard
197. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 06:20 PM
Bigponie...the black shirt is camoflage...
198. Posted by M@ce on May 24, 2006 06:26 PM
The member from the great state of Pennsylvania rises in support of the honeypot.
199. Posted by bigponie on May 24, 2006 06:34 PM
if that's camoflage, then let's not tell the boys in DC about it, they might mass produce it.
200. Posted by smokeyrobinson on May 24, 2006 06:50 PM
It's obvious you're all very much in a relationship, Tranny. As my boy Sly likes to say, "It's a family affair."
If you think my use of nepotism was a big word out of context, I can give you another big word that most certainly is not and is befitting for my current perception: schadenfreude.
Now hush.
201. Posted by Star Maker Machinery on May 24, 2006 07:02 PM
All of this overprotective child coddling is a bit much. Plus, I don't think this kid is going to be all that hot. Regression to the mean is a cruel thing.
202. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 07:03 PM
smokey--
Who the hell are you, why are you here with an axe to grind and who the fuck pissed in your cheerios?
Granted, I'm fairly new here, but what the hell is wrong with you?
Oh, never mind. I just realized I don't care.
203. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 07:08 PM
129: Ari, for you, I'll be 4'32". :) Better?
204. Posted by Iambananas on May 24, 2006 07:09 PM
Okay, everyone knows my thoughts on this topic: Brad needed babies so he went to someone (Not Jennifer Aniston) who wanted to give him babies.
Angelina is a homewrecker. I think that she may have seduced him and knew what he wanted. She is weird, and I don't think she's that pretty to begin with. Okay, sure, I guess she had a nice body, but her face was weird and her hair black and stringey.
This topic, however, really makes me mad. How could he endanger his baby like that? Some people don't have sence!
He does not, however, even begin to pull a Brtiney. Britney endangers her childrenOVER AND OVER again and nothing happens. Nthing will happen to her unless soemthing really bad happens when she inflicts her stupidity on her babies. She needs to be stopped.
Well, I am bananas and that's what I think.
205. Posted by smokeyrobinson on May 24, 2006 07:10 PM
Eh, I guess you're right, Ari...bad day.
206. Posted by Iambananas on May 24, 2006 07:11 PM
Or, maybe he's just too poor to buy something safe for his kids.
207. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 07:14 PM
Fa Cube--
Nah, just be your giant self. We'll work out the details... *wink* I'll just wear the really high heels. They might bring me up to all of about 5'6" or so. :)
208. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 07:16 PM
Schadenfreude gives me the warm fuzzies...
209. Posted by redsonja1313 on May 24, 2006 07:17 PM
hmmm well if I remember chemistry right, two + make a negative and two negatives make a positive.
That baby is screwed unless it gets the recessive john voight/pitt brother gene
210. Posted by BigJim on May 24, 2006 07:26 PM
I get all schadenfreuded when I watch videos of skater punks trying to ride some rail, then they totally wipe out and bag themselves back to the stone age.
Seeing skateboarders put their reproductive capabilities into jeopardy is a good thing for humanity.
Now if polesmokey would just do the same thing.
Darwin rules!
211. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 07:27 PM
How are you feelin' about the Oil, BigJim?
212. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 24, 2006 07:31 PM
It also sucks when people who don't have any sense can't spell, either.
213. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 07:34 PM
I don't have any Sinse, and man do I wanna get lit.
214. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 07:38 PM
guys, my left eye is twitching after reading you-know-who's you-know-what. I swear to Zanna I'd like to kick you-know-who in the cunt. I always knew that fruit gave me gas.
215. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 07:41 PM
for some reason, when I picture smokey, an image of Jon Lovitz pops into my head.
216. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 24, 2006 07:49 PM
#214
You mean when the cunt let fly a qweef?(sp?)
217. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 24, 2006 07:53 PM
#215
As the really bad wedding singer.
218. Posted by Getitstraight on May 24, 2006 07:59 PM
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU GUYS???????
KRISDYLEE/TRANNY/ETC. I DON'T THINK ANY OF YOU ARE 15, SO WHY DON'T YOU ALL GROW UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE? Swearing is fine, F-U-C-K, it gets your point across.....but who besides the 3 or 4 of you want to hear about your tits, your balls, your cunt, your sexual peccadillo's, yada,yada. If you think its funny to most of us you are wrong, why not just go to a porn site and chat to each other there? Jesus, the name Brandon potty mouth Davis rings a bell, why not chat to him about it all?
219. Posted by rmeno on May 24, 2006 08:00 PM
Wait till Bradd Pitt pulls a Woody Allen and leaves Angelina for Zahara in about 16 years...that would be perfect karma
220. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 08:01 PM
Fuck you Getitstraight, come over here and suck my clit while I fart in your face, you fucking idiot.
221. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 08:03 PM
hehehe Getitstraights name has the word "tits" right in the middle, hehehehe
222. Posted by Spitfire7 on May 24, 2006 08:12 PM
yeah Getitstraight ..im totally with you..they all sound so desperate, i bet they are grotesque and about 500 lbs with gooy caked on food hanging from their fingertips and all over the keyboard..and when they read some of the nasty shit someone sends to them, a smile comes over their pus filled face and boogers fall into their mouths as they try to hold their laughter in...So you see, all they can do is talk about their private parts because it's obvious they aint seeing no action...
223. Posted by Getitstraight on May 24, 2006 08:16 PM
YOU are the fucking idiot, and your comment was spoken like the trash mouth you are. Krisdtlee B. DAVIS. NO ONE BUT A SLUT USES THE "C" WORD AS MUCH AS YOU DO. PISS OFF, i AM IGNORING YOU FROM NOW ON.
224. Posted by Spitfire7 on May 24, 2006 08:26 PM
Yeah, I saw Krisdylee's ugly mug on grossmeout.com she was the fat, ugly chick with her face upside in a port-a-potty licking her lips of diarrhea at the truck stop on I-10...really gross bitch that one is..
225. Posted by ptprez on May 24, 2006 08:26 PM
another fuck you to you getit...there is nothing better for this divorced white boy than watching hot dykes go at it on the fish when the topics have been so lame because they are more worried about who says what than good stories...why don't you stick your head up smokey's ass and give us a report...by the way...i picture smokey as a pre-op star jones...
226. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 08:28 PM
Spitfire;
Congratulations, I fucking laughed hard at that. Nice one!
yo, tits....It will be nice not to hear your insignificant comments while the rest of us have fun, thank you. Please ignore me as well.
227. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 08:28 PM
cunt clit cunt clit cunt clit cunt cunt clit clit...sounds like jealous bitches
I am 5 feet tall and I weigh 100 pounds. I wear a size 0. Dark brown hair, brown eyes. Olive skin..
I'm not sure what Krisdylee's stats are but I'm sure she is hotter and more entertaining than 122 or 123.
228. Posted by BarbadoSlim on May 24, 2006 08:28 PM
It's funny how people are running with this "perfect genes" bullshit. Angie and Brad are good looking, sure, but, perfect?!?! I think not.
Angie has done a great job of marketing a certain "mystique" but she's a total wacko (isn't madness hereditary?) and she hasn't always looked like Lara Croft AND she has a flat ass, and Brad, well he's Brad Pitt, but he's not winning any spelling bee's anytime soon. Genetic perfection would require the total package and here we don't even have half.
229. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 08:30 PM
Christ I meant 222 or 223!
230. Posted by ptprez on May 24, 2006 08:31 PM
hey spit-don't-swallow...i could give two shits and a fuck what kris looks like...it's all theatre of the mind my brotha...keep it up ladies...
231. Posted by BarbadoSlim on May 24, 2006 08:34 PM
Oh and #27, your post was awesome, awesome TO THE MAX.
Godlike even.
232. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 08:39 PM
207:
Ari - I guess we could do a pretty mean impression of one of those old "Water Rocket" toys! ;-)
Speaking of which, I actually saw a kid playing with one on the beach a while back. His dad showed him how to pump it up and then the kid promptly shot himself in the face. Dad just stood there with the perfect "Oh Christ, my kid's an effin' moron!" look.
233. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 08:43 PM
227: Are you Nicole Richie???
No, wait. You can't be. You said 100lbs and Size 0, not 25 lbs and Size -5.
Olive skin eh? I just happen to have a tub filled with Gin and Vermouth....
234. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 08:44 PM
231: Nice "That Guy" reference to the 80's guy with boneitis.
235. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 08:46 PM
Cruising; Have we fucked? Cause I swear that description matches this smokin hot babe I nailed in Miami last year.
Damn you Slim, for making me scroll back that far....shit I can't wait to get home where I may have a life! Refer to 73 for my views on the subject.
236. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 08:47 PM
Fa Cube;
I lost my midget, will you look under your nuts for him?
237. Posted by BarbadoSlim on May 24, 2006 08:51 PM
Hehehe, fuck, I had to read the whole thread since I couldn't log in all day.
That was my favorite Futaurame episode 'Cube
238. Posted by BarbadoSlim on May 24, 2006 08:51 PM
*Futurama*
239. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 08:52 PM
Tranny, If you had fucked me - we would still be fucking now. It's that good.
Fa Cube...licking my lips with anticipation
240. Posted by Spitfire7 on May 24, 2006 08:53 PM
ok CruisingForCock so you're the typical mexican ho..good for you..and you're illiterate ass WOULD find Krisdycreams' fat ass comments more entertaining..you don't know any better...so get back to making those burritos.
241. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 08:56 PM
Shitfire...give up while you were ahead, micro-brain. Cock is gonna kill you.
242. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 08:57 PM
Cruising: willing to be persuaded, but I'm a tough sell.
243. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 08:58 PM
240 ITALIAN NOT MEXICAN. SO I'LL GET BACK TO MAKING THAT PASTA.
HOW AM I ILLITERATE? I MANAGED TO READ YOUR COMMENTS JUST FINE...
244. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 09:00 PM
237: Yeah, that one was one of the best.
"Shalom free food, Shalom hunger."
I think the "Amazon Women In The Mood" was probably mine. Anything with Zapp is good; Lrrr, too.
245. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 09:03 PM
Crusing: You're in the L.A. area, right? Ever been to Alejo's? Cuban family that cooks some of the best Italian I've ever had, although there are quite a few good places out here. Frito Misto in Santa Monica rocks, too.
246. Posted by Mr_White_Secure_American on May 24, 2006 09:06 PM
I JUST JERKED OFF IN ANGELINA JOLIES' LIBTURD SALAD!!!!!!
.
.
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`•¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'.~..../
..........''...\.......... _.•´
............\..............(
..............\.............\..
LIBATARDS!!!
247. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 09:10 PM
Spitfire, your mama taught me all I know.
248. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 09:10 PM
245 No baby, I'm in Baltimore. I've give you the best Italian ever.
249. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 09:13 PM
Cruising, I'm 5'8", blonde, blue-eyed, and 135 pounds. And I am actually telling the truth. I am a hot Milf, and Getitistraight can kiss my hot ass.
250. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 24, 2006 09:15 PM
ok, the wop count is up to 3, Stallion, Cruising and me. Cruising, which food region ya'll from?
S-fire' You know that a burrito means baby donkey, and actually isn't a food product in Mexico, right? At least continue to amuse me, rather than showing ignorance of actual culture. Since, ya'll so litterat an shit....
251. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 09:17 PM
Sheesh, that guy must single-handedly keep Jergen's in business.
HA! a "single-handed" reference in a masturbation joke. I kill me.
252. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 09:19 PM
I am Italian in my heart, spent some time in Firenze with friends, Roma, Venezia, Siena, I love all things Italian.
253. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 09:19 PM
250: Predominantly nordic/celtic ancestors, but I do have some Sicilian blood. Guess I'm a Wop-sicle.
Heh - Ever heard an Italian tire? When dago flat, dago "wop wop wop wop". :) All-time fave Italian joke.
254. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 09:20 PM
249 I couldn't want you more.
Did I mention that I have a great ass?
250 Napoli. How about you?
255. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 09:22 PM
Cruising: Baltimore? I'll be your McNulty.
256. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 09:25 PM
Bring it on 255. I like delivery. You know, they come to house, not a lot of talk, fuck like crazy and then they leave. Can you hang?
I don't have big boobs. Nice perky B cup. The ass makes up for it.
257. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 09:27 PM
252 You know why I love you? Because you said Roma not Rome and Venezia, not Venice.
258. Posted by Italian Stallion on May 24, 2006 09:44 PM
Damn, I was missing the WOP thread.....
@240 What the fuck is wrong with you? I have Olive skin am I a Mexican. Shit, I need to change my screen name to "Mexican John Deere" and get back to cutting. Don't fuck with my Italian friends bitch. You have to be a girl the way your jealousy is showing. And only the ugly ones get mad when other chicks are talking about getting the dick and their not. Your probably butt ugly too.......I don't think I'd fuck you so I can't help you out there, but I sure as hell will SPITFIRE 7 pearl necklaces at you to make you feel wanted............
259. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 10:02 PM
Stallion, the sausage was awesome.
260. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 10:03 PM
Cruising: Then I can show you the one magic trick I know - I come by night and disappear by morning. :)
IMHO, B's are the perfect size, although C is a close second. Not that I mind any size within reason.
261. Posted by Spitfire7 on May 24, 2006 10:06 PM
TrannyGranny ...you fucking idiot...i didn't say her ass was in Mexico..obviously she's here in the US and her illegal ass is making burritos!!! They sell them everyday at taco bell bitch! Go sniff a fart out of that ugly italiano or mexicano what the fuck ever that trashy bitch said to do to her...oh, wait, she said suck her lit while she farts in someones face..yeah that was it...and by the way...my best friend is 5ft 4, 110 pds..and she wears a size 0..so if CRUISINGFORCOCK is 100 pds and 5ft even..she aint wearing no size zero unless the baggy look is in or that bitch is outta shape
262. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 10:10 PM
Christ, I knew someone would come in here and bitch about us being off-topic, as if we could come up with 259 comments on Brad Pitt's failure to dress a kid in closed-toe shoes to go bike riding.
Why does this person think only sluts would use the word cunt? I'm female, and proud of my body, my CUNT is a part of that body which gives me and my partner tremendous pleasure. It's fabulous, it's natural, and what the hell is wrong with using THAT word for it? It's just a damn word. If it bugs you so much, use one of the other terms we listed already.
Or just get over yourself.
263. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 10:12 PM
Hey, Cruising, know what I hate? When people say EYEtalian, or MIKEelangelo. Even though I'm mainly from Irish ancestry, (which explains my love of the drink), Italians have it going on. Hmm.. where else did I go? Napoli, I went there, Capri, beautiful, Milano, but mostly Firenze. Italian chicks drive me crazy.... sure wish I had a bi-experience there.
264. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 10:13 PM
261 You're amusing. And I'm not lying about my height, weight or the fact that I wear I size 0. Your jealousy made you respond and I love that about you.
265. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 10:21 PM
263: The Unofficial Irish National Anthem (to the traditional jig):
Well, we drink and we fight
and we drink and we fight
and we drink and we fight
and we drink and we fight
and we drink and we fight
and we drink and we fight
and then we go home to our wives.
Then we drink and we fight
and we drink and we fight
and we drink and we fight
and we drink and we fight
and we drink and we fight
and we drink and we fight
until someone calls the police.
Then we beat up the cops
and get thrown in the jail
and we beat up the toughest
guy in the cell
then our wives come
and bring us our bail
and we all go to church in the mornin'.
266. Posted by Spitfire7 on May 24, 2006 10:29 PM
trannygranny, if all COCK can do is talk about cunts and farts...lol what the hell am i supposed to be scared of??? She's gonna kill me? Right... I know if smells could travel through fiber optics..you may have a point...but as i see it...she can't do jack shit no matter how much she farts...damn, actually i think i am starting to smell something
267. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 10:32 PM
Dammit, Fa Cube, now I want a drink.
Oh, and water rocket, huh? You're on.
That waist length hair of mine adds a little special something when I'm up top.
Guess that makes me a slut? If it does, then I say I'm in good company.
268. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 10:35 PM
Seriously 266. Read back through. I never once mentioned farts. I did say clit and cunt several times. Go ahead. Read.
269. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 10:43 PM
Nope, the fart comment was from krisdylee. Pay attention.
270. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 10:49 PM
Fa Cube - I'm all yours. Tuck me in, baby.
Thank you, Ari. You're my new bitch. I like you.
271. Posted by Spitfire7 on May 24, 2006 10:56 PM
Oh..yeah Cock you're right..you didn't say that about the farts..that was KrispyCreamdylee...cunt, fuck, cock, farts..all starting to run together
272. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 10:57 PM
Cruising, I'm honored.
Tranny--if you want to throw me around, start by throwing me up against a wall hard enough to crack the plaster, then pound away til I can't walk or sit for a few days. Bite marks and hickeys preferred but not required.
And you guys are making me feel like a cow at a size 4.
273. Posted by fifi_butchymuscle on May 24, 2006 10:58 PM
You all are so dirty.
I love it here.
Reading the comments is as good as reading the actual post sometimes. I just had to get involved, this place is a magnet for dirty, sarcastic bitches.
Finally, I have a home.
274. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 10:58 PM
farts are funny. especially from my ass onto spitfire's fat ugly face.
275. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 10:59 PM
welcome fifi, you are truly welcome.
276. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 11:00 PM
Heh- "Clit & Cunt" sounds like a fairly prestigious law firm. Would love to see their ads.
277. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 11:02 PM
I think my ex hired Clit & Cunt to represent him during our divorce. Worked beautifully... it was only my pity that kept his ass out of jail.
278. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 11:03 PM
Ari: Waist length hair?? Damn - suddenly picturing a reverse cowboy with a waterfall effect. *Sam Cassell's face; Sam Cassell's face; Sam Cassell's face* Ok, image gone. I can concentrate again. :)
279. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 11:05 PM
Cruising: Aww, if I tuck you in, what we will do with all this cornstarch I brought??
280. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 11:05 PM
I do have a cowboy hat... if that helps...
And, I think the hair probably feels much better brushing across your thighs than *nearly* anywhere else.
281. Posted by Spitfire7 on May 24, 2006 11:07 PM
farts are funny. especially from my ass onto spitfire's fat ugly face...
as greasy, smelly, KrispyCreamDYLEE scratches one more bloody pimple on her ass...opps..theres another stain on the rickety old chair that's sweating nuts and bolts trying to hold her fat magget ass up...worms continue to crawl out of ass right in to wet, moldy smelling of death TWAT...she barely feels the wiggle of the 50 or so pin worms finding their way through to the stench that they think is her shit hole...
282. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 11:07 PM
Ari: So pity stayed your hand? As in it's a pity you ran out of ammo? Heh, know the feeling. Was engaged once, then came home early one day and found out that I was no longer necessary in that relationship. Funny thing is, heard from a friend that she's now living in a trailer park in South Georgia. Can't really stay mad anymore - I'm pretty sure I won.
283. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 11:10 PM
Ari: A cowboy hat? Giddyup! Hmm. Hair could be tugged on like reins..... *thinking*
284. Posted by Zanna on May 24, 2006 11:10 PM
http://lulop.com/player.php/6326/01
285. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 11:11 PM
Fa Cube-- you know those things judges like to issue called 'court orders?' He ignored every single one of them. EVERY ONE. Repeatedly. After multiple warnings.
Me and the kids are halfway across the country and are busy pretending their dad doesn't exist.
Did I mention he got abusive to the kids after we split? Yeah...so it was either move hell and gone away from him, or kill him myself. Judge Steinberg made it easy on me.
286. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 11:12 PM
Fa Cube, you just switched positions on me, didn't you? You gotta tell a girl when you're about to do that kind of thing!
287. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 11:15 PM
Ari: yeah, ignoring court orders is usually a less-than-shrewd tactic, but it does earn you some nice guest privileges with the County. Oh, and the occasional human booster shot if he's a small guy.
Sorry to hear he got nasty with the kids. Never a good thing.
288. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 11:16 PM
But I thought surprises were a good thing! ;-)
289. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 11:16 PM
I like KrispyCremeDylee. Thanks, I'm keepin' it.
290. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 11:18 PM
Love it Spitfire.. Keep it up.
Truly, your moronic ramblings amuse me.
291. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 11:18 PM
Fifi, we love the nasty here. Welcome.
Ari 272 made me all slippery.
Fa Cube We'll think of something to do with all that cornstarch.
292. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 11:19 PM
Calling the judge a stupid bitch as you walk out of the courtroom isn't so wise either.
He's not a small guy, 6'4", so...lol, I don't know how he would have done in jail. The threat was enough for him to take just about any 'offer' I gave him though. He still blames me for it all, like I prevented him from following court orders somehow.
Enough of this! We've all moved on. :)
293. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 11:22 PM
A VERY BIG THANK YOU TO ZANNA.
294. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 11:22 PM
Heh, I had one case where the other lawyer got the judge so mad that he actually called the guy a cocksucker on the record. Needless to say, he had to recuse himself after that, but it was damn funny.
295. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 11:23 PM
Surprises can be good...hot, wet surprises can be very good...
I swear, I'm going to have the most wicked dreams tonight.
296. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 11:26 PM
Krisdylee, Capri is awesome. I used to spend my summers in Napoli when I was a teenager. We went to the most beautiful beach in Capri. Diving off rocks into that clear blue water. Such an experience. I have a bunch of wops coming in June for a visit.
297. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 11:27 PM
Cruising, glad I could..err... help?
Zanna, you rock!
298. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 11:32 PM
A humble contribution....
http://www.vidilife.com/index.cfm?f=media.play&vchrMediaProgramIDCryp=40DA47A1-6174-4647-AEE8-6
Fairly tame, but not bad.
299. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 11:34 PM
Fa Cube, 294, the judge lost it? Holy shit, I bet that was hilarious!
300. Posted by Spitfire7 on May 24, 2006 11:35 PM
the "hot" "wet" turd on your forehead was indeed a surprise Ari, secreted from KrispyCreamDylee's tired stretched out asshole...wicked dreams indeed!
301. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 11:40 PM
Spitfire, why aren't you funny?
302. Posted by Ari on May 24, 2006 11:44 PM
Oh, Spitfire, honey. If you don't like it here, why do you stay?
We're all having good, dirty fun, so what's your issue? You hate us all, ok, fine. Point taken.
I don't CARE, and neither does anyone else.
Oh, you know what? You should go find Edna and ask her to pray for us all.
I know you get off when one of us recognizes you and your mindless drivel, and I'm glad I could help, but I'm done now.
303. Posted by Spitfire7 on May 24, 2006 11:46 PM
ohhh...i forget Cruising4Cock..your mental for humor is that of a 4 or 5 year old. I forgot all I had to do was say (type) the words "Cock, Cunt, ect...for you to think something was funny...Ok this is for you CRUISING4COCK..... CUNT!
304. Posted by Spitfire7 on May 24, 2006 11:49 PM
Ari...don't like it??? why I love it dear! , but it is getting late here and I will let this posts end for me tonight...so, feel free to go about your cock swapping stories...im sure as you said..you will have wicked dreams tonight! ;)
305. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 24, 2006 11:52 PM
Much better! See now that is funny. Where is my loli-pop?
Wait...you forgot CLIT!
I hate when Clit is forgotten. You almost had it. Keep trying.
306. Posted by Ari on May 25, 2006 12:08 AM
Noooooo, you can't forget clit!!
307. Posted by Iambananas on May 25, 2006 12:11 AM
P.S....
Jennifer Aniston is not pretty... she never moves her upper lip at all (I'm guessing too much Botox)...
And she relly just dosne't have a pretty face at all.
Plus, she's too selfish, I mean, she won't even have kids. But even if she did, she'd still be not pretty.
308. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 25, 2006 12:12 AM
299 Ari - yeah, it was an older judge who ended up retiring a few months later. I think hed' probably been saving that one up for a while. We still have a copy of the transcript somewhere in the office.
309. Posted by Iambananas on May 25, 2006 12:14 AM
Her legs look too skinney and weird in that picture.
310. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 25, 2006 12:15 AM
*waves to the boatman*
There, clit has received attention and is no longer forgotten. :)
311. Posted by Ari on May 25, 2006 12:19 AM
Fa Cube, I can imagine that judges have a lot of anger and frustration built up after a while.
It is getting late here in the Lone Star State so I must be getting myself off to bed. Tomorrow's the last day I have to get up so effing early, thank God, I'm just not a morning person...blah.
Goodnights and French kisses to you all!
312. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 25, 2006 12:38 AM
Night, Ari. :) Early morning for me, too.
313. Posted by Zanna on May 25, 2006 06:56 AM
Oye..what a long night.
BigJim - It's bad enough you are cheating on me with your wife - I'm not sharing you with anyone else, god nab -it!!!!!
On a side note - did anyone ever notice Paula Abdul has man arms - or could be a tranny?
http://www.americanidol.com/finale/photos/sets/7/17.jpg
Freakin me the fuck out.
I hope there are some new posts today.
314. Posted by carmachu on May 25, 2006 09:05 AM
Someone asked why closed shoes? So the kids feet dont end up somewhere where their not suppose to and get hurt.
Trailers are the WORST thing for kdis. Too low for anyone else to see. Thats bad advice, while more stable, better chance its going to get hit by someone who cant see it. Its WAY too low to the ground.
315. Posted by 86 on May 25, 2006 11:01 AM
Hey the SF guy said "86 bazillion." Think that was a shout out to me? Anyone...anyone?...
316. Posted by antiguy on May 25, 2006 01:17 PM
Uhm....Brad Pitt is a pretty smart guy. I'm sure he knew what he was doing. He wouldn't put one of 'his' kids in danger. How you can compare HIM to a piece of shit hick like Britney Spears who likes to put her baby in danger all of the time sort of astounds me.
Need I remind you that her baby was about a half a second from his soft baby headed being splattered on the pavement the other day? Meanwhile Pitt has the kid securely strapped to his back, making sure she's not weighed down too so she doesn't, you know, get a heatstroke. Nambia is HOT!
Bad call on this one, Superficial. Baaaad call.
317. Posted by Iambananas on May 25, 2006 04:03 PM
How do you know Brad Pitt is smart? Do you know him?
318. Posted by amepay84 on May 25, 2006 05:10 PM
i saw the digital pics of them 2 put together it may be a cute baby but it is going to be a very ugly adult NOW jen and vince put together was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
319. Posted by ash23 on May 26, 2006 01:34 PM
do you imagine brad pitt doing diapers? LOL
320. Posted by Benek on May 27, 2006 02:35 PM
Imagine that Brad pitt tries to take a baby for a stroll in the U.S. do you seriously think that he wouldn't be mobbed by a bunch of people? So why is that different from Nambia? I wouldn't put my kid in a pull cart behind a bike in Nambia either... not much protection for the kid if someone gets the bright idea to attack you, take the kid, and run off to ransom it because they know that you are a multi-millionare. And is it possible that the bike ride wasn't scheduled and because they were in NAMBIA that they might not have had a TODDLER HELMET available to them? C'Mon leave these people alone. At least they are TRYING to be productive. Not to mention what derelict writes: "The only hope the rest of us have as human beings is that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will be so bad at parenting their child doesn't make it past age 12"? The answer: the same person who is being critical of Pitt because "his" baby isn't wearing a helmet and closed-toe shoes in a third world country? Reality Check - get a life - because if we put you under a social microscope we might find more than a couple of things ethically questionable in your life as well... I guess the title of this site really DOES speak for itself doesn't it?
321. Posted by bridgidbomb on May 28, 2006 05:05 PM
i think that if a father wants to take his children for a bike ride then he should be able to. he's seems like a pretty level headed guy, even more level headed while he has two small children with him. i doubt that he'll be going off jumps and doing bmx tricks with zahara and maddox. so maybe the media can go exploit something else and leave these people alone? there are more important issues than a bike ride. and who cares what the child looks like? i am sure the people getting hard over the idea of an ugly baby arent america's next top models. so why don't you all calm down and focus on more important issues. or wait here's an idea; walk away from the computer and take a walk outside. i think your brains are clearly lacking fresh air.
xoxo.