Total and complete LOSER!

Poor David Blaine, yet I'm saddened by my complete inabilty to give a rat's ass.

Blaine decided he would try to get attention by holding his breath? So basically he's doing the same thing four-year-olds do when their parents say it's time to leave the toy department and they don't want to go . . . only he's making millions at it.

Judgment: douche.

It's destined to be pointed out, so let me be the first to note that "Kirk Krack" sound like a gay porn name.

Also, I grew up holding my breath for long periods of time when I didn't get exactly what I wanted. And nobody called *me* a deth-defying magician. Not even when I passed out and went over the rail of my parents deck and fell into my mom's water garden. Fuckers.

#3 Grrrr. Concurrent posts. Grrr.

I'm left wondering, has society asked David Blaine to do this idiotic things? Is he doing it for charity? Is he a moron?

Nobody like me. I am going to hold my breath underwater so people think I'm cool. I'm going to brag about breaking some dumb record, and then fail miserably at it so people think I am an even bigger idiot.

Maybe next year I will audition for American Idol.

Qdarks

He is the class show-off writ large.
Next he will probably gridlock New York for 6 months and spend $500 billion on trying to do the world's longest wheelie on a BMX. Or maybe drinking the most cum in a weekend, with a little help from The Cruiser

Kirk KRACK?! Anyway, let`s discuss the "news" about Britney`s pregnancy already. Enough with this suicidal loser. Talk about being desperate for attention.

Looks like they were just getting ready to make out.

#8 Thanks for that insightful comment.

#4 -- It's good to see that "the Doctor is in." I feel better already.

I was wrong to put you "on notice." By the time I got through that thread I felt like Joe McCarthy, taking names and asking questions later. I am relieved that you are, in fact, NOT a communist.

For everyone else: David Blaine used to play Dungeons and Dragons with my older brother when I was a kid -- only he went by the name "Black Wolf the Dragon Master" and was a ninth level sorcerer.

@13 are you fucking kidding me?

If not, then sorry about your brother.

I would like to see anyone even attempt to hold their breath for half the time he was able to. Much less test their body's ability to defy nature. He's an entertainer and a sick street magic magician. I don't think he failed anything. I think he's amazing. Can we please get back to ripping on Paris Hilton or Britney Spears?

You know what was a better stunt than David Blaine's deathdefying breath holding? The fact that NO ONE did that annoying "first!" post.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

He's a complete idiot. Of course he went he had a couple of seizures and almost died -- anyone spending a week in a aquarium will lose electrolytes (unless he was drinking three gallons of Gatorade a day) because he's in a fucking aquarium.

He's as stupid as K-Fed and Brittany Spears in a nanny-hiring spree.

I hope, for his sake, that he goes to live in Bahrain with Michael Jackson (another pea-brain) and they live happily ever after, and leave the rest of us to rip on the real celebrities (you know, the really stupid ones.)

@15 - I completely agree

@16 - you noticing the power of Blaine, his power even spreads to sad little corners of the web

Oh, David. Don't cry. I'm not upset that you didn't hold your breath long enough to break the world record. I'm pissed off because I had to sit through a two-hour show to watch an eight-minute stunt.

"Reports are coming out that Blaine was having convulsions and was unconscious when he was finally pulled out of the water."

Jesus Christ. Reports are coming out? Any dipshit who saw this live saw him convulsing and saw him unconcious when he came out of the water. I guess a few million people = reports are coming out.

I read today where reports are coming out that pop tarts are delicious. By contrast I read another article where reports are coming out that hot women are fuckable and celebrities are generally douchebags.

Stay tuned though, could just be bullshit.

My girlfriend was pregnant once and we went to the clinic and the doctor said "Stallion don't worry about a thing, we can make this disappear". And he did, now thats a fucking magician............

When he suspended himself in that transparent cage above London, I wanted the citizens to pelt him unconscious with crumpets. Now he has seizures doing a stupid underwater breath hold stunt. Give it up, Blaine. Houdini did this shit much better decades ago with more interesting hoopla. Perhaps he'll die during the next stunt and we'll all be spared the histrionics of this douchebag.

#20 funny! Proteon, you rock!

#21 Stallion: Tacky.

I'm tired of him. Nextttt.

http://www.wehateeverybody.com

In a crowded business meeting one time, I held a fart in for more than 16 minutes. My friend noticed my sweating and potential convulsions and urged me to let it go. Unlike David Blaine, I didn't have the benefit of professional assistance to aid in my rescue. So I blamed it on the fat black chick next to me. Now everyone calls her the " Fat African Stink Machine".

I bet that tool bag cheats at cards. No, nevermind, he's not very good at his tricks - as evidenced by the man himself. He just likes to play "poker."

#14 -- TRUE STORY.

My brother is now a successful attorney, but don't think that I don't bring up the D&D every chance I get. One time, as a joke, I replaced his Barry Smith* attorney-at-law business cards with some that read "Gabriazar the Infernal Voice: Third Level Elvin Rogue." BOY was he pissed when he found out.

*not his real name so don't try to google it.

The only time I find holding my breath useful is when someone farts.
With practise, within a minute or two - you usually can make a pretty clean get-away.

Fat African Stink Machine?

@ 29
Yea, it's a cute little nickname people gave her. Sweet, ain't it?

Maybe Fisher would like it better if it was "GAY Fat African Stink Machine".

#27 - True, possibly. Sad, definitely. What in the fuck would make you admit to the close David connection? Are you trying to be like Sherry with Tom Cruise?
I bet you are one of those types who does bring up D&D every chance you get. Tool.
You should put infernal voice on your business cards, right under janitor.
Like #14 - I am sorry for your brother, too.

Is Fisher55 black? If so, I apologize if I offended you. It was just a joke.

By the way, who did you steal that computer from?

I am going to hold my breath until Kirk Krack comes along and gives me some medicine.

Two words: Who cares?

#25-That was funny, but truthfully people genearlly know where the farts originate.

A, I think Fat African Stink Machine is funny & plan to use it somehow, someday, thanks.

B, does "Fisher" sound black to you?

C, Feed_Me_Chocolate is a fat alcoholic slut

D, how dare you refer to me as some spade?

Spade? How about spook?

A. Do you know what a joke is?

B. It's okay to call someone "Fat African Stink Machine", but not add "Gay"?

C. Calling someone fat who you've never seen is the lamest comeback in the book.

D. Seeing as how I'm married and I was a virgin when I met my husband, I don't think the word "slut" applies to me. Yeah, now go ahead and call me a prude, it won't offend me.

E. Lighten up, it's The Superficial.

F. XOXOXO

Tee hee, BigJim!

i ain't no spook, jimbo

cornfed all-american cracker gayboy. eat it.

(inevitable "cornfed" joke tk, i'm sure)

I'm joking too, chocolate...i'm lily white and unoffended

There is only one word in this story that makes me mad. If only that pesky little 'almost' word was removed from in front of 'died' I would have liked this story a whole lot better.

If Blaine wants to impress the world he should make Tom Cruise appear out of a closet.

Cornhole fed

All is forgiven. I'm glad I won't have to add you on the "banned" list.

#40:

A) how clever
B) shut up
C) cocks in your fat mouth
D) no one cares
E) amen
F) shut up shut up shut up

While I congratulate this man for having a life goal, it seems kinda dumb to pursue it in the face of medical advice and all common sense. Being a magician doesn't give you lungs of steel. Is he going to try to run a mile in under 4 minutes next?

I rented a "Fat African Stink Machine" before, it was fun for the hour I had it, I just hit golfballs at it the whole time. Those were the days, but now Star Jones is to expensive to rent.................

How did "spook" become associated with being black, I though spooks were ghosts who are either depicted as white or transparent.

He should've just died in that damn tank and done the world a favor.

#47
I'm sorry, who are you? And who was speaking to you?

P.S.
XOXOXO, now go catch your short bus.

What ever happened to real magic... pulling a rabbit out of a hat... dissappear the coin... blah, blah blah...

and also...
Okay, why is everyone on the site so insulting? It's getting annoying that you're not commenting on celbs!

#36 - Everyone knows that he who smelled it, dealt it.

Jacq: It is my understanding that when someone farts generally everyone smells it.

54: everyone? what if they're in a different state or country?

I'm sorry Fisher55, I ken that on this site one must be verra, verra specific. I dinna mean to make such a crucial mistake. I'm part scottish.

I meant everyone present when the fart is presented.

david blaine...you didn't let us down, because we weren't paying attention.

i think the stunt was just too insane to be pulled off...no one else could have done better, so just walk it off.

How do they know how long he really held his breath if he was unconscious at the end? What if he was unconscious way before Phil MacKracken saved his ass?

David Blaine is an attention whore. He'd cut his cock off and shove it down his throat if he could ensure 14 people would watch.

I saw him in London when he was hanging from that crane in the big plastic box. So stupid. I was embarrassed to be a fellow American at that moment. Sigh...

I am disappointed in you, David Blaine, because you didn't die like I had hoped.

i used to think, based on his street magic, that he was totally in bed with the devil, like BLACK MAGIC shiznit,

but, this makes him appear fully human. that's kind of reassuring, in a way, that he's is in fact mortal. i hate him slightly less now.

he's scary.

This isnt the 70s and what impresses people has evolved. The "Thats Incredible" bullshit stunts being cool has long passed. Dude needs to just kill himself or maybe Copperfield can make him disappear.

40: "Seeing as how I'm married and I was a virgin when I met my husband, I don't think the word "slut" applies to me. Yeah, now go ahead and call me a prude, it won't offend me."

Yeah, but you got married last year and you met him in 3rd grade! ;)

I keed, I keed. That's actually quite impressive in this day and age.

From the Guardian (UK) -
"When David Blaine ensconced himself in a glass box near London's Tower Bridge in 2003, rather than whoop and cheer we threw eggs and attempted to cut his water supply."

Brits are cool.

It would've been pretty cool to see David Blaine's bloated corpse in a life-sized aquarium. Now that's performance art!

He is not a douche, you are a douche.

ANd, he went from a metabolically-challenged sub-tubby to the hot hot
hotness you saw in that tank.

And, "flash informativo", you continue to
be a douche

Yeah, he looks really hot in that picture. He's definitely got the "lifeless corpse" pose nailed.

#63. He's leading you into a false sense of security.

#54 - Exactly - everyone but me did it.

That reminds me - the girl next to me at work farts all of the time. He he he.