First!!! Woo-hoo!!

Damn. What a bunch of faggoty ass faggots. I wonder if she's aware that those sunglasses went out with John Lennon. Except for the brief resurgence when A Different World was on and Dwayne Wayne was super cool.

Either this is an old photo, or she's wearing a wig, or Melissa's hair grows really fast.

Dear Jacq -- who gives a shit if your first if you don't write anything else? Loser!

That looks like the same lesbian that Rosie married. Speaking of, if there was ever a woman who I would suspect of having a remote possibility of getting another woman pregnant it would be Rosie, not Melissa. You know what I mean, a big, male lesbian with a penis.

are they sisters? they both have the exact same mouth.

I'm sorry BigJim. Did I type first? I meant to type fuck you. And I did write something else. I said "Woo-hoo". Way to rain on my parade, shitbag.

I was only trying for first so that MeganHarris couldn't have it.
And Melissa's had hair for a while now. Douche.

she looks like a dixie chick reject. At least they didn't go the David Crosby route again. I can't imagine wishing his genes on anyone.

It's a cunnilingus compound.

Why do they have to comment on what will be done with sent gifts? Who the hell sends gifts to formally famous people they don't even know? Who gives a shit.

It's good to see the carpet-cleaning industry is prospering and the Dyke's lumber
stock is doing well.

LOL i totally knew jacq was writing up a storm @ BigJim while i posted that. I should have called it.
By the way, screaming "FIRST" when you get the first post (who cares anyway?) reminds me of those people who just have to impatiently push the "Close Door" button in the elevator even though the door is closing.

Ugh how immoral. It's not ok for clones to date. There's something creepy about them having twins and being twins, but I can't put my finger on it. Plus, everyone knows women don't have sperm, and personally sperm are the only reason I date.

You just know they want a boy so they can circumsise his "offending organ"...

@3 and 10

Jacq, correct me if I'm wrong here. Most of the regulars on here who say "FIRST!!!!!" are only doing it to make fun of the people who used to do it in seriousness. It's become a running thing, like hating MeganHarris and making fun of Kim.

I'll donate a hollow-point to them.

"Yes hi, Id like to donate my gift of a punch in the stomach followed by a swift kick down the stairs for Mrs Michaels..."

When I first heard about this I got so wet I slipped right off my chair.

Mamacita...you forgot Haley on your list.

I hope the anonymous donor was a 400 lb black man with a genectically transferable hatred for white women, lesbians and a deep passion for violence. And I hope he hates bunnies.

And we think TomKat and Brangelina's kids are going to be messed up. Love to be a fly on the wall for these kids' "where do babies come from" chat.

@17

Yes, I did. Hating Haley is just so new that I haven't gotten used to it yet.

I just got a quick visual of Melissa sucking the placenta right out of her girlfriends puss. Naked. Double gross.

Any word who this father is?

Come on guys...Melissa Ethridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels? They're awesome. Did tammy ever do anything after popular? I don't know, but all I can say is that if normalcy in hollywood is coming from the queers, then we really shouldn't be focusing on them...that was poorly worded but I don't care.

Don't worry about it Mamacita...I'm hating her enough for both of us...

How do you want to do this? I hold her and you hit her or vice versa?

Ugh, them two fellas need to shave.

CoJo, funny but nasty. The visual is making my penis ache (worse than ususal from whatever it is I caught.)

okay, they look like they are going to a "Mother-Daughter brunch". WTF. very creepy to have kids together when they look like parent and child.

aaahhh, sweet, sweet turkeybasters.

#20

Also left off Most Hated List: TrophyWife

Hopefully, their "anonymous donor" is Tom Cruise.

Then their kids could be super gay.

#10 - Nice comparison.

As I said in #6 - I only did it to make sure that MeganHarris couldn't have #1. She got it yesterday and I had to punch Sean Preston, I was so pissed.

Then, they changed the damn picture on me.

I've got a sack full of wolverines with Melissa Etheridge's name on it.

Probably Colin Farrel's sperm.

There seems to be enough of it flying around.

I hope they have an underwater birth. Brings a whole new meaning to bouillabaisse.

Good on them. :)

I bet Tom Cruise is the dad. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Following Tom's lead, Melissa will eat the placenta. The only differences between Tom and Melissa on this issue being that Melissa will eat the placenta out of the vagina during birth and Melissa most certainly does not love the cock. My guess as to the sperm donor is Wilford Brimley. He looks enough like David Crosby to make the tots look like brothers.

I'm never first :(

the sperm donors arn't really anonymous...one of the twins was sired by david gilmore....the other by todd rundgren...as her first two kids were david crosby's, melissa some day hopes to ride around in a multi-colored school bus ala THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY with her own genetic supergroup....she's already started by getting a jump on that shirley jones coiff...

QUOTE FROM SUPERFICIAL: "She should follow Tom Cruise's example and threaten to eat Tammy's insides"

Ummmm, she does that already. That's what lesbians *do.* I wonder if I send them a strap-on as a gift if they'll keep it or send it on to the women's shelter.

#28

aw geee, thanks :)
xoxoxo

Trophywife, if you're not going to leave can you at least keep your legs closed? It's like you're cutting onions in there. Onions and decomposing carp.

im pretty sure... correct me if im wrong cuz im not saavy to the whole dyke world but...
"She should follow Tom Cruise's example and threaten to eat Tammy's insides after she gives birth"...
as lesbians isnt that sure to happen anyway?

So they don't want the WalMart gift card I was going to send them?

Goddammit Oshkosh, you made my stiches pop. And you're right. My eyes are burning like acid.

Geez, can the fat lesbians who talk crap about me on this site at least have the decency to wait till I post a comment first?

44 - My eyes are burning AND I'm still sopping up the mess I made in my chair from getting excited about Melissa Etheridge and her hot and steamy private life. Bounty really is the quilted quicker picker-upper.

sorry bout that guys, the doc said today that as soon as the sores close, the stank will go away...

Well we know the anonymous sperm donor wasn't Tom Cruise because ...

Anyone?
Bueller?
Bueller?

I'd take a fat lesbian over dick-biting child molester with a webbed vagina any day, Megan Harris.

MeganHarris is upset because the dykes started without "her". Poor cunt! All drippy and noone to licky licky your mangina.

ok....SCREW YOU FUCKING LESBOS...I TRULY HOPE THESE TWO HAVE A CAR ACCIDENT AND DIE AND THEIR STUPID TWINS AS WELL,POOR KIDS...FUCK ALL OF YOU DIPSHIT GAYS. DIE.

PS: oh and who the hell are these hoes anyway?? a disgrace to humankind i say.

miss_paris, forget your lithium today? Or did your sheets get caught in your barren twat hair?

she sounds like meganharris' lesbian lover that has to wait in the closet... looks like she got out

48 - you're too late. mamciat & I have been there done that with Bueller quotes in the lohan post. fackin' biter!

@51

Heyyyyy. I remember you! You're the dumb bitch from the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie/Namibia thread yesterday who said:

"WHY would any1 want to have their child have an ugly black name,thats gross."

Trotter, I'm pretty sure she actually is on lithium. However, she should quickly be switched to Risperdal, as that is the medication of choice for schizophrenics. Then again, she might just need to get punched in the labia, as that is the medication of choice for dumb bitches.

whoa. mamacita. I must have gotten a chitlin caught in my keyboard...apologies.

holy cow. trohpywife kind of but not really made fun of meganharris... the next thing you know cats will be sleeping with dogs, melissa etheridge will suck dick, mass hysteria, total anarchy.

hey i'm learning... so far i have learned that the only one you hate more than me is her so...... i'll keep trying...

@55 You're right. Labia pummeling is needed. I also think having MeganHarris fuck her up the ass would be therapeutic. You know, since Megan is a guy and miss_paris obviously needs to get some love in her life...

i was really trying to slam miss paris-whatever... ALL CAPS SUCK...

trophywife is trying to make nice because she's tired of the tears and the agony brought upon by her meaningless, shallow life and decided she needs to make friends with strangers who have already decided they hate her. Even her daughter is like, "Mommy, I'm tired of playing hairdresser! Give me some more Ritalin and leave me the fuck alone!"

@58

We also hate Kim a lot. But, I think she took her beatings like a little bitch and left. Which was awesome cause she wasn't as clever as you. Although I am pissed off at you for having breast implants (mainly because I want some), I do appreciate that you are sometimes kind of able to make fun of yourself. Sometimes.

@57

Courtesy of Bender: "Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up... we'll all get up...it'll be anarchy!"

@62

Yeah, I've always wanted some beautiful breasts. They are gorgeous. Not as attractive as my huge, perfectly proportioned and veiny man-meat, but pretty damn close.

OK, I don't really have new titties ON me. I'm keeping them in the fridge next to the kittens and puppies I like to play with.

Melissa Etheridge? Come to my Window?

Good for her!

Not really much to say about Mike n Ike, just glad to see trophywife found her sense of humor.........

#50 - At least she knows that we won't miss out on anything if she doesn't show up one day.

That was my point entirely, Megan. You can't post first here anymore. Even Trophywife makes fun of you. But that wasn't the funny part, that was when she observed that you're the only person that ranks lower than her. At least it is one thing that you can be first at.
#61 - Don't talk about her daughter. Got it bitch? LOL

Jacq -- you talk pretty tough for someone who calls himself "Jacq".

Sounds pretty French to me, and everyone knows that the French are a bunch of total pussies. I could kick your stupid ass back to the stoneage. Again, loser.

well mamacita came over and gave me a proper ass whuppin with her whip and i have seen the light! actually...when she flipped me over and tried to pop out my implants for herself with those 5 inch stillettos, i got a little scared...

Sorry -- I've been on vacation! Is MeganHarris the new "NewGuy?"

you are all really....sad. it must suck to be you.

woohoooooo keep it up miss paris, i can have another loser that ranks higher than me on the hate list! YOU GO GIRL!

Is there any way I can get an email notification if any of you actually writes something funny??? How about slightly humorous???

At the beginning of every Superficial post, I ask myself: "Will I be able to masturbate to the subject matter of this post?"

This one is a definite no. (But I did rub one out to the Paris Hilton vomit photos. It'll do in a pinch.)

Oh shut the fuck up, all of you. None of you are as funny or witty as you think yourselves are. The only thing worse than celeb-lovers coming here and whining about body images and self-respect are the "regulars" constantly patting eachother on the back in every single thread and telling themselves how funny they are. The only person here who actually posts funny shit is OshKosh, so OshKosh, you're exempt from my outburst. Can I get you a drink? Rub your feet?

@74 Look who's the new cunt in town? Big talk for a ass-lickin whimpering snatch!

Poll: is NewGuy higher on the hate list than me? I will eat Katie's placenta and fire my housekeeper and nanny for a whole week for your votes!!!

@76

NewGuy is occasionally funny, but tits_on_snack is being a big ol' bitch today. Apparently, she's doing some hardcore pmsing or something. Either that or she hasn't gotten laid in a long time. As a woman, I know that those are the only 2 things that make a woman act like a bitch. Unfortunately, she doesn't like the "regulars" around here. Now, hmmmmm. What CAN a person do if they don't like the "regulars" on here? Just gimme a second.........it'll come to me.

P.S. Trophywife, you're on a roll today.

hey mama, i'm trying to redeem myself from my raging bitch/pms/2 bottles of wine/bitchfest i pulled on oshkosh last night. my bad... i like it when she abuses me though... but dont tell the dominatrix that usually comes on tuesdays, she'll get jealous and kick my ass ;)

#51 0n the new Tom Cruise story will hopefully shut Tits_on_Snack the fuck up and hopefully she will come to her senses.....

And I wouldn't call it a snack, I would say it's more like getting two skittles for Easter, and then I would shoot the Easter Bunny for being a cheap bitch.......

@78

So you have breast implants and a dominatrix?????!!!!!!!! You suck!!!!!! Plus, who cares if she gets jealous and kicks your ass? You'll like it!

@79

Good call. tits_on_snack gave me a frown. Maybe she needs some more snacks. May I suggest some Honey BBQ Fritos Flavor Twists? Or, if she's feeling fancy, some Melba Toast with smoked Gouda cheese, followed by some Milano cookies, washed down with Orange Fanta.

The kids have a Jacq'd chance at ever having a normal life.

haha, Lesbians are so damned silly!! But you know what's not silly- discrediting your children from previous relationships! Fucking cockyass Dyke Melissa etheridge should be a spokeswoman for Neglecting mothers instead of "cancer Surviving lesbians. Just like Tom and Nicole, just kinda brush those other little orphans off to that fling you had with that other bitch and David Crosby...

Now Angelina knew what to do. Bring those kids EVERYWHERE! photo ops galore and no one will ever call you a bad parent. Shit! Britney at least had the initiative to take the child with her, regardless of whether or not she had a carseat, and throw that baby on her lap so she could drive down to Dunkin Donuts cause she needs 12 of their freshest cruelers to start her day off right

Mike n Ike will be naming the twins Good n Plenty!!!!!

Interesting hairdos. Melissa definitely wears the strapon.

Pretty sure Melissa has had her clitoris surgically enhanced so she can penetrate Tammy Lynn's twat. Heard that at the sperm donor clinic while I was dropping off a load of hot stuff.

I can't wait until Hollywood decides to jump on another trendy bandwagon and figure out having kids isn't a hobby.

#22, I don't think she's done anything since Popular. Wow, I was so hooked on that show. The last time I saw her on TV was when Melissa performed on Oprah almost a year ago. It was really pathetic because she's been downgraded to the doe-eyed wifey who sits and waves from the audience.

What the hell kinda lesbian are you anyway Tammy Lynn? Did you trade in a life of playing second fiddle to a man so you could play second fiddle to a Mel?

Man, Tammy Lynn was the best uberbitch ever in Popular.

Better them than Cruise, due to his denial he's devouring the souls of everyone he comes in contact with. Oh yah, and Xenu bless their baby.

im so happy for them!!!! tammy lynn is such a babe and melissa ROCKS!!!!

#67 - I bet you went with BigJim over SlimJim 'cause you're morbidly obese and you wash yourself with a rag on a stick. Yeah, I guess mu family was French 150 years ago, but if you had ever been here you would know that my name is Jacqueline. It doesn't matter if I'm french or how many of us tell you I am a girl; my dick is still bigger than yours. Why don't you do us all a favor and crawl back into Tom's rectum?

#81 - Wow, never heard that one before. Just to beat everyone to the punch, I've also heard Jacq Off, Jacq-O-Lantern, Jacq Ass and pretty much anything that has a "Jacq" sound in it. I know that your name is Major_Ecshun but how do you pronounce a loud sucking sound? You should have tried Major_Erektshun, Major_ette, Major_Loser, or Major_AzzLikr.

Silly lesbians.

Tammy Lynn was in a few episodes of L Word Season 1...she played a lesbian on the show

74. Posted by tits_on_snack on April 18, 2006 07:19 PM

"Oh shut the fuck up, all of you. None of you are as funny or witty as you think yourselves are. The only thing worse than celeb-lovers coming here and whining about body images and self-respect are the "regulars" constantly patting eachother on the back in every single thread and telling themselves how funny they are. The only person here who actually posts funny shit is OshKosh, so OshKosh, you're exempt from my outburst. Can I get you a drink? Rub your feet?"

You know what would be great? Could you turn off your computer, put a coversheet on on your TPS report, and go to the park and find some dog shit to chew on, in that order? M-Kay? Great. Thanks.

There is no biological way possible they "conceived [the babies] together." Your basic high school science class should tell you that egg + egg doesn't = baby. Come on!

Gross

Melissa Etheridge is a gross, ugly, old, PIG... -Tammy is pregnant, and expecting "our" twins-... -These are "our" first two babies "conceived together"… what a load of utter shit. I had as much to do with the conception of those kids as gross-dike Melissa did, and they are as much mine they are hers...

Disclaimer: I am not now, and have never been, in anyway associated with lesbianism or the debased lesbian hi-jinks of Melissa Etheridge or any of her LOVERS… although I think it would have been really fun to fuck that crazy blonde pixie looking actress bitch who thought that she was abducted by aliens… I forget her name, I think the aliens must have taken her for good cuz I haven’t seen her in anything for a long long time.

... silly dikes don’t get it, they don’t have the baby-batter to make conception a possibility, only daddy’s got the protein shake to make that happen.

#95... Sorry i got my carpet munchers mixed up. it just cam to me, i was thinking of Ellen DeGeneres and her labia lover, Anne Heche. yeah annie is the ufo freak.

93 Yoo seme vary smart. May Be u can teech a clas on Hoomer?

Go finger yourself. Nobody likes a moron.

Chloe, see that's how it works here. Two wrongs make a right, cats sleep with dogs, Tom sleeps with Ryan Seacrest (no, that's real), and lesbians do get each other pregnant. Plus, I skipped government all of the time to go get stoned, so how the hell does anyone expect me to know anything?
Since you're going to get fucked-up later by Mama or Osh or someone, I'd buy a stick to pee on if I were you.

@98

I don't have anything to say to her. I did acid all through history class, remember? That's why I don't know what it's like to feel like Nazi Germany. However, I do know that Chloe's real name is Captain Obvious, that she's a thunder cunt, and that she should post some more super perceptive observations. You know, things like "I hate when people cut me off in traffic" or "Don't you just hate when men leave the toilet seat up?" or my absolute favorite "I hate when ning-ning promises me a green card and then, instead, he fucks me in the ass with his giant Air-Cock and doesn't even use astroglide". On second thought, that last one might just be me.

Speaking of LEsbians. know who's hot. Jennifer Beals! She had a baby and shes still hot. and the best thing is,she still loves the cock, so I hae a better chance then that dyke hoe. Let's pay more attention to Jennifer Beals, people. It's the only way out of this downward spiral in Celeb-gossip where Brooke Shield's ratty-ass name is still popping up.

Shankyouverymuch, basically you don't really need men to fuck up your children and leave you to raise them. Two women do it better, they have a better understanding of what their needs are besides wanting some loser's sperm or batter, as you so eloquently put it, to impregnate them. As for wanting to fuck a dyke, believe me, they sure as HELL wouldn't want to get anywhere near your fucking frat boy ass!

Melissa looks much better without the mullet. She looks like a classy lady-dyke now.

#101... gogoboots, Baby aren’t we friends anymore? Don’t be mad, I promise that next time we get together in my dorm, I will pay you your full 5 dollar charge for the
blow-job you give me, if you promise to use a little more tongue and lips, and a lot less teeth!... OXOXOX…