March 17, 2006
Macaulay Culkin names his penis
Here's a story for all the ladies out there. In his new book Junior, Macaulay Culkin reveals his pet name for his penis - he calls it Floyd. The actor is currently promoting the collection of stories and observations, and explains, "I had to do a reading and I did a Q+A afterwards, and somebody asked me where I came up with the name Floyd. I didn't come up with it, if I was going to come up with something, it would have been Kroll the Conqueror... or something like Enrique, something Latino...it was kind of bestowed upon me I guess you could say."
What better way to spend St. Patrick's day than thinking about Macaulay Culkin's penis? You're doing it right now, aren't you, you sicko. Hey, I don't care if Macaulay's penis plays Mah Jongg while wearing a three-piece suit and a monocle, I don't need to hear about it. Much less write about it. I mean, how pathetic would that be.
Previous Entries
» Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra on the rocks» Chico the Arab tops the British pops
» Britney Spears finds a needle
» Kimberly Stewart shows her underwear
» Kanye West is making a movie
Comments
1. Posted by TowelHead on March 17, 2006 10:01 AM
Macaulay and Chico would be perfect for each other. Macaulay only has to do that Home Alone face...instant romance!
2. Posted by Lala on March 17, 2006 10:02 AM
His nose is running a close second - what's its name?
3. Posted by TowelHead on March 17, 2006 10:03 AM
I'm new to this site. Should I have said 'First post!'? People do it with such enthusiasm that you'd think they have a simultaneous orgasm. Haven't had one of those in ages so: FIRST POST!
hmm...nothing. Oh well, back to my sex toys.
4. Posted by CheekyChops on March 17, 2006 10:06 AM
I wonder if Michael Jackson named it for him. Hmmm.
5. Posted by Jacq on March 17, 2006 10:08 AM
His penis should meet Pete Wenz's penis. They're virtual celebrities.
6. Posted by Tantrum on March 17, 2006 10:11 AM
"CheekyChops: I wonder if Michael Jackson named it for him. Hmmm."
I was JUST thinking that! HAHAHA!
7. Posted by TowelHead on March 17, 2006 10:12 AM
You know how he's really white? His penis is probably pink.
PINK FLOYD.
Now I have to go throw out my favourite CD collection.
8. Posted by Binky on March 17, 2006 10:15 AM
Well 'Floyd' is better than calling it 'Home Alone' I guess.
9. Posted by Mo on March 17, 2006 10:35 AM
#4...you read my mind. Sad that at his young age he's known primarily as a penis puppet for a freak. I'd rather be "Home Alone"...
10. Posted by mamacita on March 17, 2006 10:44 AM
Gross. I don't even want to consider that Macaulay has a penis, much less know what it's name is. Why do people feel that it's acceptable to foist this kind of information on people? Damn freedom of speech.
11. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on March 17, 2006 10:55 AM
This is sooooo (i think I need to add more o's) soooooooooooooo disturbing. When I look at his pasty white, sun's-never-shone-on-me-face, and gawk in horror at his disturbingly pink puff-cloud lips, and THEN think about what his penis must lung like, I can only shriek in horror. What comes to mind is one of those dead-looking lungfish-a pasty white one with a very rosy face. EEEKK!
12. Posted by Fatty Boom-Batty on March 17, 2006 11:01 AM
I call my penis "Britney" because it is fat, lazy, and hasn't had a paying job since 03'.
13. Posted by lysistrata11 on March 17, 2006 11:17 AM
Dammit! This just shattered my happy world where Macauley Culkin has no penis, unicorns live in the woods behind my house, and Neverland is a place where little boys run away to dress up in little green dresses and grown-ups try to assault them. Wait a second. Michael Jackson is Hook.
14. Posted by Fatty Boom-Batty on March 17, 2006 11:19 AM
Something Latino...Hmm, like Tito?
15. Posted by Sister Morphine on March 17, 2006 11:20 AM
I love how he thinks we all give a shit. Awww, that's so cute.
16. Posted by flamarkel on March 17, 2006 11:22 AM
Update: Macaulay Culkin's penis issued a statement through its spokesman disavowing any connection with Culkin or his alleged pet names. The spokesman characterized the no-nonsense penis as "pissed off."
17. Posted by Derek Hail on March 17, 2006 11:44 AM
Thank god, I now know his penis's name. I have been wondering for years.
18. Posted by Triumph Insult Dog on March 17, 2006 11:57 AM
Hey, I have a name for my thing too, but I don't go around telling people about it. Maybe if he wasn't "Home Alone" licking his "Pink Floyd", he would get more work!
Wha?! I keed, I keed!!
19. Posted by TaiTai on March 17, 2006 12:02 PM
#12 Most Excellent.
20. Posted by CheekyChops on March 17, 2006 12:16 PM
That boy looks albino. He creeped me out in that movie with Seth Green where they danced around in weird outfits and did gayish type things. IMO, he's like that in real life. That's my story.
21. Posted by tits_on_snack on March 17, 2006 12:17 PM
I NEVER NEEDED TO KNOW THIS
22. Posted by maiira on March 17, 2006 12:20 PM
Wait, Macaulay Culkin has a penis?
23. Posted by sometimesboy on March 17, 2006 12:39 PM
Of course Michael Jackson didn't name Mcaulay's penis....tho he did try to beat it...
24. Posted by Erienne on March 17, 2006 12:46 PM
#16 flamarkel:
HAHA!! That's awesome.
25. Posted by Jayne on March 17, 2006 01:16 PM
I don't see what the big deal is.
Sure it's Culkin but when you've grown up with brothers who've told you what they've named *their* penises...
I guess I can't get anymore disgusted.
26. Posted by Spindoc on March 17, 2006 01:49 PM
Is it just me or has this guy looked like he's needed a multi-vitamin or iron pill since he was 12?
27. Posted by MortyFishbein on March 17, 2006 02:13 PM
I still am trying to get over the Chico video I just saw.
MacCauley who?
28. Posted by toby on March 17, 2006 03:41 PM
lordy, lordy - that is one hell of a post. a monocle?!?! lol.
29. Posted by DrDanny on March 17, 2006 06:05 PM
#12 - Fatty Boom-Batty -- thank you for the best laugh I've had all week!
PS: mine's named Otis. I forget why.
30. Posted by paige on March 17, 2006 09:18 PM
#10 - foist? you been using the thesaurus to make your posts sound more intelligent?
and why must we be subject to your posts about you looking in the mirror at your no longer perky body parts and how you can't control your sexual urges during the day? (see post on kate moss and others)
do you just spend all day on here rambling about yourself and making retarded posts?
31. Posted by Pez_D_Spencer on March 17, 2006 10:54 PM
14 - Wasn't Tito Yugoslavian? ;)
32. Posted by Dee on March 18, 2006 12:19 AM
OMG why did i read that? =(
33. Posted by ohnoudint on March 18, 2006 07:47 PM
dammit #7 I guess I will have to throw out my copy too...
34. Posted by gogoboots on March 19, 2006 01:37 PM
I don't want to know this, I don't want to know this...Party Monster was bad enough...WHY?!!?
35. Posted by UCSD on March 19, 2006 01:39 PM
Can a penis wear more than a monocle?
36. Posted by URalllosers on March 20, 2006 12:50 AM
I call mine spike because it is pointy.. OH and made out of metal.
37. Posted by AnnoyingPseud on March 20, 2006 01:30 AM
#11 Feed Me Chocolate made me wet my pants laughing so hard. I even woke up my chubby snoring Rottweiler with the guffaws.
BTW, I hate Macaulay Culkin. Such a little retard weirdo kiddy diddler's stooge. You just know he's utterly fucked up and likely cross-dresses, sings off key German polka tunes to himself in his massive bathroom while giving himself a nice coffee enema. Or something.
38. Posted by JacksonWallace on March 20, 2006 05:03 AM
ok, I signed up just to write about this foolio. First of all, M caulkin's face gets sun, so his penis must be so pale that its practically clear, like some deepsea species. This is not an appetizing thought unless you squealed in delight like a little girl over Home Alone. I saw this Conan episode and let me tell you, it was more than a little strange. It seems, Caulkin imagines that I would rather buy his biography even though I dont care to see his films, along with most of the public. So is he Ernest Heminway now? I guess the way to convince me of his writing career would be not to focus on naming his absolutely uninteresting midget penis.
However, the REALLY interesting part that noone is mentioning is that the line about Krull the Conqueror came straight out of 'how to lose a guy in 20 days' the flick with Kate Hudson and Matt McCoughnahey. In it, she tries to piss him off by saying she's named his penis some female name. He says no way, but that it would be ok to name his 'Krull the Conqueror'. PATHETIC. Not only is Caulkin's last interesting role back when he was a child, and not only is he a stupid celebrity dilletanting at a writing career and publicly talking about his cigarette penis, he is also a PLAGIARIST and probably stupid enough to have forgotten where the punch line for this stupid 'ditty' came from. Please ship him to the island where Paris Hilton is going, the island of stupid overpaid worthless broken toys.
39. Posted by HughJorganthethird on March 20, 2006 07:02 AM
What a coincidence. Years ago I named my penis Macaulay, cause they're both the same size and all.
40. Posted by patEcake on March 20, 2006 11:11 AM
Pink Floyd...
41. Posted by LOOKWHATICANDO on March 20, 2006 04:51 PM
# 7
That's a good one, Haaa