March 17, 2006
Chuck Norris reads Chuck Norris facts
If you haven't seen the Chuck Norris facts yet, you need to do yourself a favor and check them out. Chuck has a really good attitude about the whole thing, but they're not as funny when he reads them out loud. Mostly because he's not very good at reading, but also because I'm too scared that a roundhouse kick will come flying out of my monitor and kick me to the moon.
Thanks to Katrina for the tip.
Previous Entries
» Mike Tyson buys an expensive meal» Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's wedding
» Tom Cruise has no sense of humor
» Macaulay Culkin names his penis
» Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra on the rocks
Comments
1. Posted by B-Bomb on March 17, 2006 03:21 PM
first!!!
2. Posted by B-Bomb on March 17, 2006 03:22 PM
okay, having first post was the highlight of my day. sad. now i can remind you all that chuck norris' tears cure cancer...too bad he's never cried.
3. Posted by mamacita on March 17, 2006 03:37 PM
I was kind of afraid to post a comment because I don't want Chuck Norris to point at me and say 'bang'.
4. Posted by Nimuë LaMer on March 17, 2006 03:42 PM
Is it me or is Chuck starting to look like Scott Farkus from 'A Christmas Story'?
5. Posted by Nimuë LaMer on March 17, 2006 03:43 PM
http://acs.flicklives.com/Movie/Pics/farkas.jpg
6. Posted by inspector11 on March 17, 2006 03:48 PM
the best one from the site was: Chuck Norris does not go hunting, because the word "hunting" implies the possibility of failyre. No, Chuck Norris goes Killing.
7. Posted by bravegirl01 on March 17, 2006 04:03 PM
ah!!!! I love CNCs on a friday afternoon...
8. Posted by Derek Hail on March 17, 2006 04:04 PM
Mike Tyson makes me laugh
9. Posted by TheHoffinator on March 17, 2006 04:06 PM
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
10. Posted by InsomniActress on March 17, 2006 04:31 PM
I've heard the same things about Vin Diesel.
11. Posted by Jonboy in SF on March 17, 2006 05:25 PM
Just when I had about given up on The Superficial you make my day by posting this! Truly hysterical.
12. Posted by Spindoc on March 17, 2006 05:26 PM
Chuck Norris ate refried beans last year. Chuck Norris Apologizes to the people of New Orleans.
13. Posted by Celetina on March 17, 2006 05:26 PM
Am I the only person alive who is really fucking sick of LOL CHUCK NORRIS LOL HE DOES NOT SLEEP HE WAITS LOL ROUNDHOUSE KICK LOL?
Chuck Norris is to 2006 as pirates, monkeys and ninjas were to 2005. That is to say, old and unfunny.
14. Posted by mamacita on March 17, 2006 05:38 PM
@13
Yes. You are the only person alive who is really fucking sick of LOL CHUCK NORRIS LOL HE DOES NOT SLEEP HE WAITS LOL ROUNDHOUSE KICK LOL.
15. Posted by Xopher.tm on March 17, 2006 05:49 PM
Nimuë, it's Scut Farkus.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0911934/
16. Posted by scarlett138 on March 17, 2006 06:06 PM
Is it just me, or aren't these jokes a lot better when chuck norris doesn't read them? lol the guy sucks at reading
17. Posted by scarlett138 on March 17, 2006 06:07 PM
oh yeah, and chuck norris counted to infinity...twice
18. Posted by bigfatmomma on March 17, 2006 06:09 PM
#13 - you better watch out or chuck norris will ninja your ass with a roundhouse kick with his peg leg while kissing natalie portman.
19. Posted by â„ shhexycorin â„ on March 17, 2006 06:19 PM
I don't know who the fuck Chuck Norris is, but I do know an awful lot about him.
20. Posted by wastingtime on March 17, 2006 06:25 PM
It's a good thing chuck norris can roundhouse kick the shit out of everyone, since he sure as hell can't read. The funniest part was when he got thrown off by Chuck Norris' --his own name in the possessive. lol
21. Posted by bunnyhugger on March 17, 2006 07:48 PM
i think i'm too old for this site.
that said, i'd hit it!
22. Posted by The Serial Cynic on March 17, 2006 09:49 PM
The sound of Chuck Norris reading can cure deafness. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris can't read.
23. Posted by Jude806 on March 17, 2006 10:44 PM
It's interesting how the presenter's sense of humour pales into comparison to the writer of the list. Twit.
"The Best Damn Sports Show"? It isn't.
24. Posted by fblau on March 17, 2006 11:15 PM
Except for the fact that whatever site you're hosting the video from deserves a roundhouse kick for suckass bandwidth.
25. Posted by watevaBii0CH on March 18, 2006 02:21 AM
Chuck Norris ended the never ending story because Chuck Norris does not believe in reading.
26. Posted by neophyte on March 18, 2006 05:21 AM
When God sold his soul to Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Satan to the pits of Hell.
27. Posted by EHsed on March 18, 2006 07:30 AM
The insurgency in Iraq is really only one man: Chuck Norris.
28. Posted by Spindoc on March 18, 2006 10:13 AM
#22 LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
29. Posted by hafaball on March 18, 2006 01:18 PM
Shhexy! XD
Anyway...Chuck Norris is awesome...awesome to the max...max steele.
30. Posted by James Earl Cash on March 18, 2006 07:46 PM
#22 for the win.
Hahaha!
31. Posted by Derek Hail on March 19, 2006 01:49 AM
At least Chuck Norris has a sense of humor, if he was Tom Cruise, he probably would have sued the internet.
32. Posted by night on March 19, 2006 02:57 AM
#31
hahaha, so true
LOL, this video entry made my day. I had not read these Chuck Norris facts yet. Where can I find them?
33. Posted by Grphdesi23 on March 19, 2006 09:39 AM
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his Dad did.
34. Posted by staticbumblebee on March 19, 2006 11:20 AM
Chuck Norris invented the C-section by roundhouse kicking his way out of his mother's womb.
And i love...
The best part of waking up, is not Folger's in your cup, but realizing Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and KILL.
Chuck Norris is so fast, that when he runs around the world, he can punch himself in the back of the head.
35. Posted by EHsed on March 19, 2006 11:30 AM
#32 - Where can I find them?
www.chucknorrisfacts.com
36. Posted by Bellisima on March 19, 2006 01:16 PM
Chuck is a very good friend to my friend's family in Utah. He has lived a life of sharing his wealth with a lot of people. He helps a lot of people especially kids who are on the street.Now if we could just get him to meet Paris Hilton and introduce "Law and Order" to her. Knock some decency into her!
37. Posted by mamacita on March 19, 2006 03:03 PM
Here are 2 of my favorites.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
38. Posted by staticbumblebee on March 19, 2006 04:55 PM
I met Chuck Norris, he was friends with my dad.
39. Posted by night on March 19, 2006 06:54 PM
one of my faves: Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. LMFAO
also: When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
and
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. :D
40. Posted by Aelene on March 19, 2006 10:36 PM
My favorite:
If Chuck Norris is late then time better slow the fuck down
41. Posted by Magus on March 19, 2006 11:23 PM
Chucktacular !!!
42. Posted by Niggerinnis on March 20, 2006 03:32 AM
"Am I the only person alive who is really fucking sick of LOL CHUCK NORRIS LOL HE DOES NOT SLEEP HE WAITS LOL ROUNDHOUSE KICK LOL?
Chuck Norris is to 2006 as pirates, monkeys and ninjas were to 2005. That is to say, old and unfunny."
No truer words have been spoken except Chuck Norris jokes have been around since the start of the show (only popularised by Conan) and were actually, initially, very funny.
Pirates, ninjas and monkeys were never funny.
43. Posted by jugsgirl on March 20, 2006 06:56 AM
Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag the ladies- He potato sacks them.
44. Posted by rottnpagan on March 22, 2006 10:22 PM
The only thing almost as funny as the Chuck facts, are the Vin Diesel facts.
http://www.4q.cc/index.php?pid=fact&person=vin
45. Posted by TheWill on March 23, 2006 08:52 PM
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night-light, not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
46. Posted by gert on August 11, 2006 03:27 PM
why doesn't atlas hold the world on his shoulders any more, because chuck norris took over.