Archive for November, 2005

Christina Aguilera will have a long wedding

November 14th, 2005 // 3 Comments

caguilera_1114.jpgChristina Aguilera is planning a three-day wedding abroad for her marraige ceremony with record executive Jordan Bratman next month. She told reporters in Johannesburg, South Africa, that: “We are going to have a weekend wedding. Each night has a certain theme to it and the whole thing is very magical.”

I’m not familiar with multiple-day weddings, but I guess whatever helps Christina cope with the fact that she’s marrying an ugly gnome is okay by me. Except for punching babies in the face. That wouldn’t be an okay way to cope at all. Or would it?

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Madonna might not lip-synch

November 14th, 2005 // 2 Comments

madonna_1114.jpgMadonna has promised to sing live and without any background vocalists at the Koko club tonight to silence accusations that she lip-synchs. A spokeswoman says, “Madonna will be singing live at Koko and performing with a live band. The claim that she lip-synchs was always wrong.” Last year Elton John accused her of lip-synching and said, “The official reason I heard was that she can’t sing while doing the full crab position. Nobody’s paid to come and see you do yoga. They’ve paid to hear you sing.”

Either way, watching Madonna try to do a headstand on stage while kicking her legs and holding a note should be great fun for the whole family. Plus it’s Madonna so you know there will be lots of gyrating genitals. And if there’s one thing that makes for a good show it’s a 90-year old gyrating her genitals. She’s 90 right? 90-years old?

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The Superficial News

November 14th, 2005 // 1 Comment

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Keira Knightley Nip Slip at Pride and Prejudice Premiere

November 14th, 2005 // 3 Comments
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Jessica Simpson Trashes Ashlee

November 14th, 2005 // 1 Comment

jessica_simpson_thumb1.jpgIn yet another spin on the real-life version of dumb and dumber, Jessica Simpson was overhead bitching to her mom about her sister Ashlee at the Accessories Council ACE awards red carpet.

Mom, [sister] Ashlee is so stupid. She left the popcorn in the microwave and almost burned the house down.”

Jessica and Ashlee are a living, breathing rejection of Darwinism. Their genes should have been dropped sometime during the stone age. Stick these two in a room unsupervised with a toaster, a loaf of bread, and some butter, and before the day is out Jessica will have somehow hung herself on the electrical cord and Ashlee will be trying frantically to butter her back to life.

Sister-Trasher [NYPost]

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Nicole Richie Writes a Book

November 14th, 2005 // 4 Comments

nicole_richie_1114.jpgI’m not exactly an expert on all the signs of the apocalypse – that hairball I found in the shower this morning may or may not have been one, but then again it kept telling me to murder my parents so maybe it was – but anyway, Nicole Richie writing a book has to be one of them. In The Truth About Diamonds, Richie tells the story of Chloe Parker, the princess daughter of rock royalty and member of the Hollywood elite. Here’s a sample:

It started innocently enough, or as innocent as you can get on the dance floor of one of the hottest clubs in L.A. The nightclubs of L.A. are like soap operas, except they’re not Days of Our Lives; they’re more like Passions

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