August 02, 2005

Jessica Simpson beats people

The Sun reports that Jessica Simpson told David Letterman she beat up a guy on the set of The Dukes Of Hazzard after mistaking him for a stunt man.

"I thought he was a stunt guy and the stick wouldn't break. I was like: 'Oh gosh, this is the last shot! I have to break it!' so I ended up like losing my mind. I just started attacking him and he had welts all over his back. It finally broke. I kept hitting him until it did."

I did something similar once, except instead of beating a man to death with a cue stick, I shook his hand and acknowledged his worth as a human being. Just kidding, I beat him to death with a cue stick as well. If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend that you do. Just go to your local bar and start smacking some random guy in the head with a cue stick until you think he's dead. And when the police come to arrest you, just blame Jessica Simpson for setting a bad example and sue her for millions. The plan is so crazy that it just might work.

Note - This plan will 100% not work.

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