Archive for May, 2004

Barbara Streisand

May 31st, 2004 // 11 Comments

“Singer Barbra Streisand has been ordered to pay a six-figure sum to an amateur photographer whom she had sued for $10m (?5.5m) in a privacy dispute.”

What’s that, Barbra? You’re a whiny little bitch? The idea that this filthy rich celebrity decided to sue an amateur photographer for $10 million is somewhere along the lines of lunacy.

“But he took a picture of my multimillion dollar estate!”

Are you out of your mind? I don’t care what kind of problem you have with stalkers, suing a non celebrity/CEO for $10 million is just plain stupid. Is it possible that celebrities are so warped in their own little worlds that they don’t realize that a normal human being can’t pay $10 million? I hate celebrities who have no appreciation for what they have and what’s been given to them. They make 100x the average person’s salary and all they can do is bitch about how fans keep bothering them. And on occasion, their millions of dollars just aren’t enough so they have to go and sue some Joe Schmoe for $10 million more.

Read More [BBC News]

Julia Roberts

May 31st, 2004 // 10 Comments

The latest buzz regarding Julia Roberts is that she’s supposedly ‘glowing with health on the beach’. Can somebody explain to me why every news article is referring to her supposed pregnancy with this weird expression? Why can’t they just say she looks pregnant? Are they afraid they might offend her by calling her fat? Dancing around the subject with strange terms that may or may not imply pregnancy only really serves to piss me off. I don’t care if she looks healthy. I don’t care if she’s glowing. All I want to know is whether or not she’s pregnant. And why do they all specify that she happens to be on the beach when they talk about her healthy glow? For some odd reason, the piss poor journalists abroad seem to associate healthy glows with pregnancy. Now I’m not really up to date on my pregnant lingo, but I always thought a ‘healthy glow’ meant sweaty. So basically, these articles are saying that Julia Roberts is pregnant because she was sweating on the beach. Fantastic.

Read Stupid Article 1 [China View]
Read Stupid Article 2 [Web India]

They’re basically the same. She’s glowing with health on the beach. We get it. You’re stupid.

*edit: It’s official, Julia Roberts is pregnant with twins.

Gabriela Oviedo Serrate

May 30th, 2004 // 7 Comments

gabriela_oviedo.jpg“Bolivia’s entrant in next week’s Miss Universe contest faces calls to quit after she described herself as being a tall, white woman and not a short Indian peasant.”

I don’t get it. She looks like a tall white woman to me. I think I would be more offended if she referred to herself as a short Indian peasant. In any case, Bolivia seems pretty upset with her statements and has asked for her resignation from the Miss Universe pageant. It’s really such a shame when you see a short Indian peasant resign from an International beauty pageant because she offensively referred to herself as a tall white woman. Heartbreaking, I know. In other news, Charlize Theron is a short African woman and Conan O’ Brien is an alcoholic Irish man.

Read Story [Reuters]
View Pictures [MissUniverse.com]

Madonna

May 30th, 2004 // 4 Comments

I’ve never liked Madonna. Even before she turned 80 (she’s 80, right?), her face always rubbed me the wrong way. Looking at her, she has all the makings of a pretty person. Two eyes, a nose, a mouth, mostly everything where it’s supposed to be. Yet for some reason I can’t picture her as attractive in the slightest. That’s not to say that she’s ugly, just that there’s something about her that I really don’t care for. Maybe it’s that gap between her teeth. Maybe it’s that she used to be a borderline nymph. Maybe it’s that she’s just not attractive. In either case, she’s much too old to be pulling the kind of bullshit she’s currently pulling. Nobody wants to see her stand on her head or flail about in fishnet stockings. If she ever had a generation where she was idolized, it has passed. She is so far into yesterday that you can almost feel the desperation in everything she does. Her fame is declining and she’s like this crazy attention seeking banshee tha — oh wait, I got Madonna and Courtney Love confused for a bit. In either case, they’re both old news. Let us never mention either of them ever again.

Fantasia Barrino

May 29th, 2004 // 18 Comments

20040528_barrino.jpgHow did this ugly crackwhore of a woman win American Idol? Not that anybody gives a shit about that piece of shit show, but it seems weird that this girl won. Not only does she not look like an American Idol/pop star, but she looks like she belongs on the cover of Crackwhore Magazine. Did I mention that she looks like a crackwhore? I vote that she be kicked out of her position and that Tyra Banks be named the next American Idol. Hell, when you look as good as Tyra Banks, it doesn’t even matter whether or not you can sing. Just look at Britney Spears. All it takes is a little ass shaking and cleavage showing and you’re in. Good ol’ America never disappoints when it comes to being superficial. Then again, Tyra did try her hand at the whole singing game and it hasn’t exactly turned out as well as she probably would have hoped. I believe ‘sucking ass’ wasn’t really the genre she was shooting for.

View Fantasia Barrino [American Idol]
View Fantasia Barrino Gallery
View Tyra Banks Gallery [Absolutely.net]

Michael Moore

May 28th, 2004 // 11 Comments

20040528_mmoore.jpgIf a fatter fuck has ever lived, I never want to meet him. Despite being a pretentious homeless-looking fatass, Michael Moore has all the makings of a decent filmmaker. His recent ‘Fahrenheit 9/11′ is the first documentary to ever win the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival which I guess is a good thing. Unfortunately for him, none of that will ever change the fact that he has the ugliest looking facial hair ever grown and enough fat for Mary-Kate and Ashley to never eat again.

View Site [official]

Welcome to The Superficial

May 27th, 2004 // 16 Comments

The Superficial is a brutally honest look at society and its obsession with the superficial. It is not satire. It is not social commentary. It is the voice of our society at its worst. It is first impressions without sense of social obligation. It is the truth of our generation. It is ugly racism. It is jealousy. It is honest.

Just kidding. Our goal is to make fun of as many people as possible.