Brooke Hogan lumbers about and other news

- Hayden Panettiere does Details magazine yet doesn’t flash her panties which officially proves Emma Watson is the improved model of cyborgs sent from the future to harness my love. [Pink is the New Blog]

- Gwyneth Paltrow claims she was “fat” last month and used her “Clean” detoxification process to shed the weight. I’m now convinced this woman isn’t insipid. Just goddamn insane. [Lainey Gossip]

- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie try to pretend their preferred methods of conveyance isn’t a child-powered rickshaw. [I’m Not Obsessed]

- Katie Holmes is showing emotion again. I guess somebody didn’t check the batteries in her shock collar. Suri. [Celebslam]

- Jennifer Aniston continues trying to make Brad jealous by starring in a Mr. and Mrs. Smith rip-off with Gerard Butler who’s just along to spelunk the legendary Ice Crevasse. [PopSugar]

- Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson plan to adopt which normally I’d say is admirable, but let’s not pretend Scarlett’s breasts aren’t a vital part of the gene pool. In fact, I’m pretty sure they can cure cancer, so I volunteer myself to reproduce with her. For humanity’s sake. [Just Jared]