Here’s Holly Madison, another bikini-wearing patriot, celebrating our nation’s independence in Vegas this weekend, and if only such a magical wonderland existed during our forefather’s time. Not only will gambling and prostitution be legal across this great nation, it’d be goddamn mandatory.
TIMMY: But I want to go outside with the other kids.
MOM: Not until you bang your prostitute and lose the mortgage playing craps.
TIMMY: Aw, mom…
DAD: Listen to your mother, son. And don’t go getting your wallet stolen again because I’m not buying you a new one, ya hear?
TIMMY: Yes, sir.
*sniff* Oh, to dream.