Jul 3 2009 Happy 4th of July Weekend! (Plus Bikinis)
Hey, everybody, I'm going to be taking off for the July 4th Weekend, but as a parting gift, here's a gallery of the latest bikini pics that have graced this most patriotic of sites. Because when our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776, I'm pretty sure this was the end result they had in mind. Along with flying cars so, seriously, someone needs to get cracking on that shit.
See you on Monday!
- The Superficial
Scope Out (24) Pics of Celebs in Bikinis After the Jump
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Jul 3 2009 Britney Spears gets one Frappucino closer to crazy
Seen here Thursday feeding her Frappucino addiciton, Britney Spears is not wearing a wig and has actually dyed her hair black again. Perhaps the stress of touring is bringing out the Britney of yore. Who knows? Maybe she just wants to remind people that, no matter how in shape her ass is, she'll still murder a nun for a cheeseburger. Or worse: Show us her vagina. I'll be good!
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Jul 3 2009 Megan Fox and Michael Bay hate each other
While Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen dominates the box office to no one's surprise, Megan Fox and Michael Bay are trading barbs in the press after she recently shit on the film because it focused on special effects and not acting. Bay had the following to say to the Wall Street Journal:
Well, that's Megan Fox for you. She says some very ridiculous things because she's 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do. You roll your eyes when you see statements like that and think, "Okay Megan, you can do whatever you want. I got it." But I 100% disagree with her. Nick Cage wasn't a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in "Armageddon." Shia LaBeouf wasn't a big movie star before he did "Transformers"--and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from "Bad Boys." Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in "Transformers." I like to think that I've had some luck in building actors' careers with my films.
Here's an easy compromise that should appease both parties: In the third film, simply have all the robots recite Shakespeare, and Megan Fox go full frontal for 98% of the running time. Which, for the Academy's consideration, should be no less than five hours and 52 minutes. SHAZAM! Movie magic. No need to thank me, Dreamworks. I'm just a man who enjoys fine cinema. (Read: There is, and I want an advanced screener. Sans robots.)
Jul 3 2009 Lindsay Lohan & Samantha Ronson eat out
Lindsay Lohan celebrated her actual birthday Thursday by going out to lunch with Samantha Ronson which makes absolutely no fucking sense to me. Granted, Sam's no looker, I still don't get what she's doing with Lindsay who, let's face it, has no money and the mental capacity of an eight-year-old on coke. Sure, she's a "celebrity," but technically so is that little kid on YouTube whose dad recorded him all gassed up from the dentist's office. Where's his gargoyle sugar mama?!
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Jul 3 2009 Justin Timberlake is tired of Jessica Biel
Justin Timberlake is growing tired of Jessica Biel's ass despite the scientific fact it was carved by Zeus himself out of awesome and "Goddamn!" NY Daily News reports:
"Things don't look good for them right now -- they've hit a really rocky spot," confides a source close to Timberlake, who adds that serious problems began back in February during a boys' trip to Las Vegas.
"Justin had to leave dinner once because Jessica was calling him incessantly. They got into a huge screaming match over the phone about how she's always 'checking up' on him. She's extremely needy and is always keeping tabs on him." The insider isn't the only one who thinks Biel is a bother. "All his friends think she's really annoying," added the source. "She's always trying to be one of the guys. She and Justin have no chemistry."
And if things went badly between JT and Biel the last time the singer went away for a weekend with the boys, they're surely no better now.
"Justin is partying in London right now," said the insider. "Jessica wanted to go with him, but he wasn't having it. He just wanted to get away with the guys. He needed his space from her."
I'd hate to see these two break up, so since I'm a nice guy, I volunteer to keep Jessica company while Justin's away. That said, I should probably point out I'm a nudist, so if she gets turned on by seeing me eat a waffle and stuff happens, it's not my fault. A man's gotta eat.
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Jul 3 2009 Michael Jackson's final rehearsal video
Here's the last recording of Michael Jackson on June 23 rehearsing for his "This Is It" tour that, depending on who you ask, probably killed him. In the meantime, someone explain to me how the hell that guitar player doesn't piss herself every time Michael dances up to her. I'm a strapping fellow, and if that were me, I'd not only shit my pants, but then hysterically bludgeon Michael to death with my guitar before he eats my dreams.
He'll be missed.
Jul 2 2009 Kim Kardashian in a bikini
Ever had a fantasy about Kim Kardashian grilling you delicious hamburgers while wearing a bikini? Your dreams have come true, my friend. Provided you ignore the fact her ass is conveniently missing in every shot which is kind of making me think this is really a nightmare. Only one way to find out: Are Heidi and Spencer still alive? Yes? Fuck it's a nightmare.
Jul 2 2009 Cheryl Cole: 'Hey. Are my breasts hanging out?'
Cheryl Cole of Girls Aloud celebrated her 26th birthday last night wearing a dress that apparently exists for the sole purpose of making me go "Aw, c'mon!" Seriously, if I had an archnemesis, one day he'd have me strapped to a bomb only to reveal he designed this dress. And also invented DUI laws. -- You fiend!
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Jul 2 2009 Debbie Rowe wants the kids and restraining order against Joe Jackson
Debbie Rowe has thrown down the gauntlet and plans to seek custody of Michael Jr. and Paris who she maintains are her biological children. NBC Los Angeles reports:
"I want my children," Rowe said during a 90-minute phone conversation Thursday morning with NBCLA's Chuck Henry.
She said she would seek a restraining order to keep Jackson's father, Joe Jackson, away from the children. The agreement does allow for visitation, but Rowe said it's a very difficult process. She said if she misses a visitation date, it is difficult to reschedule with the Jacksons.
"I am stepping up," Rowe said. "I have to."
Rowe said she was still grieving. She said she decided she had to seek custody after Jackson's death.
"We had an agreement... he didn't keep his end," Rowe said, referring to Jackson's death.
Rowe said she was concerned about splitting up the children. She said she did not expect the court to grant custody of the third child, but added that she would be willing to accept custody.
Okay, I understand Debbie wants to be with her children, but she's overreacting a little bit over Joe Jackson. I mean, once you look past the facial mutilation and pedophilia, Michael Jackson grew up to be one of the most influential musicians of a generation. Who died at 50 from a fatal addiction to medication specifically reserved for knocking out people for surgery. But, again, besides that stuff...
Jul 2 2009 Jessica Simpson had to throw off some golf games
These are shots of Jessica Simpson singing the National Anthem and signing autographs at the AT&T National yesterday which Tony Romo participated in. I have absolutely zero patience for golf, so hats off to Tony for being able to concentrate on his game while Jessica's chest essentially blocked out the sun. A lesser man would've tried to stick it in her back nine. Ha! Get it? Golf humor! Trust me, that would've killed if you're over 60. Or a doctor.
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