Aug 7 2008 Lily Allen continues quest to randomly flash her breasts for no apparent reason
British singer Lily Allen flashed the paparazzi her boob today while getting out of her car. Hey, tit happens, I completely understand. Those things pay my bills. But here's what I don't get: Later on, Lily does it again only this time with the other one! Jesus, lady. There's an old saying: Boob me once, shame on you. Boob me twice, I'm gonna keep looking because, honestly, I've got nothing better to do, and I'm a dude.
NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions, so you might need a lookout.
Continue Reading " Lily Allen continues quest to randomly flash her breasts for no apparent reason "
Aug 7 2008 Winnie Cooper found! Writing books under the name 'Danica McKellar' (Sure. Why not?)
Ah, Winnie Cooper, my first love. All those summer days spent swimming, throwing rocks at hippies and participating in other activities that beat you over the head that it's the 60's. But those times were never meant to last. Like most young loves, ours' was doomed from the start. Almost as stinging as learning Paul Pfeiffer wasn't really Marilyn Manson, I'll never forget that fateful day Winnie Cooper broke my heart in two, and the words she told me:
"Kevin," she said. "You know how you do those weird, little monologues in your head? People can hear that shit."
Awkward!
Aug 7 2008 Morgan Freeman released from the hospital
Morgan Freeman was released from the hospital today. He was admitted with several broken bones after flipping his car late Sunday night. People reports:
"I left the hospital today just after 12 noon, Memphis time," Freeman said in a statement released by his rep to PEOPLE. "I'm doing very well. I feel real good. I just really, I thank the staff at 'Elvis Presley [Hospital]' and many, many thanks to my many well-wishers. It's great to know people care about you.”
Upon discharge, Morgan Freeman repeatedly asked "Where all the bitches at?" Before explaining to a hospital worker: "A dog's gotta hunt." God, I can't wait to get old.
Aug 7 2008 Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas washing her car the way God intended: in a bikini
Here's pics of The Bachelorette star DeAnna Pappas in a bikini washing her car with fiancee Guy ThatShouldGetOutOfTheFreakingFrameSeriously. Is this really news? Is DeAnna Pappas even a celebrity? Are bikinis the answer to world peace? These questions and more that I probably won't answer later today on The Superficial. Also, penis jokes! Stay tuned.
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Aug 7 2008 Tara Reid not 'family friendly' enough for Dancing with the Stars
Tara Reid needs work and she needs it bad. Mostly because booze doesn't grow on trees. (Hang tight, Tara, I've got people on it.) She's tried to score a gig on ABC's Dancing with the Stars, but network execs are looking for someone that, how do I put this gently? Isn't a drunk stupid whore. FOX News reports:
According to our inside source, the perennial party girl has applied for the show multiple times but was rejected each time on the basis that she isn’t "family friendly" enough. Ouch.
But, hey, guess who is apparently fun for the whole family: Kim Kardashian! Oh, wow, that makes almost perfect sense if this were Retarded Land:
And speculation has been stirring for quite some time about whether Kim Kardashian will bring her booty into the ballroom — but it looks as though it’s going to be a double whammy this season. A Kardashian camp insider said that Kim will be battling against her mom, Kris Jenner.
Okay, let me make sure I've got this straight. Raging alcoholic with Franken-boobs: Not quite family entertainment. Chick who's famous for getting peed on: "Kids, go get grandpa and gather around the TV. This is more wholesome than church!" I'm starting to understand the terrorists now.
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Aug 7 2008 Jamie Lynn Spears' body makes full recovery, in related news: I'm going to jail
These are the first pics of Jamie Lynn Spears in public after giving birth to daughter Maddie Brianne. Just to be clear, I don't want this post encouraging young readers to consider teenage pregnancy because your body apparently snaps right back into shape like nothing ever happened. So, that being said, GOOD GOD!
Continue Reading " Jamie Lynn Spears' body makes full recovery, in related news: I'm going to jail "
Aug 7 2008 Kim Kardashian is a playable character in new video game
Kim Kardashian will apparently be a playable character in the upcoming boxing video game Facebreaker from EA Sports. I included footage of Kim's character after the jump, and I've got to say I'm disappointed. For starters, they make it seem like Kim possesses any athletic skills whatsoever outside the realm of championship ice cream eating. Even worse, the game completely fails to use any type of physics engine in regards to her ass. Not only is it not ginormous, but you can't even use it to knock over buildings or even a tank. Maybe I'm wrong to expect a bit of realism in my gaming experiences. Or maybe I'm so right every woman in the world wants to have sex with me on a steamboat. Toot toot! Ladies...
Thanks to Phil who's in your base. Killing your dudes.
Continue Reading " Kim Kardashian is a playable character in new video game "
Aug 7 2008 Mary-Kate Olsen off the hook, Feds close Heath Ledger case
Mary-Kate Olsen is free to murder another young actor in his prime. (Please be Dane Cook. Please be Dane Cook. Please be Dane Cook.) Federal prosecutors have decided not to pursue a criminal case regarding Heath Ledger's acquisition of prescription painkillers and sleeping pills, according to the AP:
Prosecutors in the U.S. attorney's office in Manhattan had been overseeing a Drug Enforcement Administration probe into whether the painkillers found in Ledger's system were obtained illegally. But the prosecutors have bowed out "because they don't believe there's a viable target," said the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because no charges have been filed.
And by "they don't believe there's a viable target" they obviously mean "Candace Cameron's decapitated head arrived in a box this morning."
Aug 6 2008 Cindy Crawford topless = Oh yes, this is happening
Cindy Crawford continues her vacation in France with husband Rande Gerber and special guest George Clooney. This time she's partaking in some topless sunbathing and gravity has been ridiculously kind to Cindy. The last pair of 42-year-old breasts I saw belonged to The Geekologie Writer's mom. She tripped over them on her way to the bed. True story.
NOTE: Pics link to NSFW version that will make you cry if you're a middle-aged woman, Richard Gere or all of the above.
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Aug 6 2008 Jenna Jameson reportedly pregnant
Jenna Jameson is carrying a smaller version of Tito Ortiz in her uterus which brings her one baby closer to achieving her lifelong dream of becoming Angelina Jolie. Only five more to go along with a shitload of plastic surgery. You can do it! Page Six reports:
"She had a bunch of meetings and things planned for Fashion Week, including meetings for her own line, but she's postponed everything," said our source. "She's completely thrilled, this is something she's wanted for a very long time."
My sources tell me the baby is really enjoying itself. Lots of room and someone crammed an entire entertainment center up there, so no complaints: "Though would it hurt to get some popcorn up in this joint? Wait, never mind. I just found Orville Redenbacher in the laundry room. Pop a squat, bro, but don't get your feet on the couch."
