Nov 6 2009 Katy Perry with Russell Brand's name on her ass
Katy Perry wore no less than 5,000 different outfits at the MTV EMAs last night, so here she is in a little lingerie number with Russell Brand's name on her ass which is probably the hottest thing a girl could do for her boyfriend. Or was until the part Katy where made a face that can only be described as Abe Vigoda having an orgasm. If Russell Brand can still get an erection after that, he's goddamn Kryptonian and should really be using his powers for the good of humanity. (Read: Reversing the Earth's rotation and stopping me from posting that last pic.)
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Nov 6 2009 Stephanie Seymour nude in Vanity Fair and other news
- Suri Cruise is slowly forming The Resistance. [Lainey Gossip]
- Rihanna says Chris Brown had "no soul in his eyes" when he beat her. [PopEater]
- Jessica Simpson's neediness scared off Gerard Butler which raises the question, who is that guy not fucking? [Betty Confidential]
- Chloe Sevigny has a mom ass. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Reeve Carney will be your singing Spider-Man. [Just Jared]
- Chad Rogers learns a valuable lesson about nobody giving a shit about Bravo. [Celebslam]
- Robert Pattinson on the cover of Italian Vanity Fair. [PopSugar]
- Kourtney Kardashian is just now finding out you gain weight when you're pregnant which proves my theory about the Kardashian sisters having the collective IQ of toothpaste. (Actually, that's harsh. For Colgate.) [The Blemish]
- Anne Rice weighs in on True Blood and Twilight. [Socialite Life]
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Nov 6 2009 James Gandolfini will f-cking destroy you
James Gandolfini was caught on video attacking a paparazzo Halloween night. The guy was a fair distance away which a.) didn't warrant the assault, but b.) enabled him to capture Tony Soprano charging like a goddamn bull. Undoubtedly the most terrifying image I've seen in my life. This might have happened six days ago to someone else hundreds of miles away, but I'm man enough to admit I slumped into the fetal position and tried to shit myself into a coma. Think of it it as sort of a natural defense mechanism to ward off predators, and get me permanently banned from Starbucks.
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Nov 6 2009 Michael Lohan: 'God is punishing Lindsay's career'
Because dignity is dick compared to getting your face in the press, Michael Lohan is firing back against Lindsay's accusations that he threatened to kill Dina Lohan if she ever left him.
"That's a lie. I guess Lindsay is on more drugs than I thought to say something like that. Now I'm going to release more recordings that prove everything she is saying is nothing more than a bunch of lies.
"No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her," Michael continued. "Because she's forsaken everything He's given her and she's done nothing but misuse all the gifts she's given."
I'm pretty sure being a Michael Lohan-fertilized egg in Dina Lohan's uterus is ultimately what killed Lindsay's career, but it's nice to see his main concern is to prove he's right even if it involves releasing more private phone calls to do it. Also, anyone finding it odd that Michael Lohan records all his phone conversations? Jon Gosselin is probably sitting at home right now trying to figure out how many times he's on tape saying "So another one laughed at my penis again."
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Nov 6 2009 Beyonce at the MTV Europe Music Awards
Here's Beyonce performing at the MTV Europe Music Awards last night while wearing an outfit apparently designed to make it look like she has an armadillo for a vagina. But in Beyonce's defense, what else is she going to wear to win over the Lady GaGa crowd? (If you're thinking a giant penis costume complete with Hitler mustache, get out of my head!)
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Nov 6 2009 Kevin Federline's sperm has struck again
Here's a surprise twist, guess who turned out to be the pregnant one in Kevin Federline and Victoria Prince's relationship. (Hint: Don't go by stomachs.) Via Celebuzz:
Prince has been accompanying Kevin as he follows ex-wife Britney Spears all over the globe on her recent tour. Apparently, the couple had a pregnancy false alarm earlier this year, but this time things are serious!
A source says, "The test was positive. She told Kevin that she was pregnant, but he didn't seem happy to hear the news."
Wasn't happy about the news? Jesus. He know he's Kevin Federline, right? By now he should realize any relationship he enters into is inevitably going to end in pregnancy. Whether it be romantic or getting a membership card at Blockbuster.
BRITNEY: How did this happen?
KEVIN: I dunno! I mean, I didn't let her eat Cheetos like I did with you. I just ejaculated directly into her vagina a lot while she wasn't using birth control. It just doesn't make any sense...
BRITNEY: That is weird, y'all. Like one of them miracles or something.
KEVIN: Seriously.
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Nov 6 2009 Britney Spears' lip-syncing pisses off Australian gov't
An Australian government official has made the astute observation that Britney Spears fans are basically morons who have no idea she's lip-syncing her entire stage show, according to People:
Virginia Judge, the Minister for Fair Trading for New South Wales (the Australian state that includes Sydney), said she is considering options to make sure fans aren't misled when buying tickets to Britney's Circus tour concerts. Some seats are going for more than $1,300.
"It is Britney's 'prerogative' to lip-sync, and it is my job to make sure consumers know what they are paying for up front," Judge said in a statement released by the government.
One idea is to require disclaimers on promotional materials and tickets indicating that portions of a show will be pre-recorded.
Here's what I don't get: With the vast array of technology used to make it look like Britney Spears can sing, dance and not murder her children with a bucket of chicken, do they even really need her at this point? They could probably replace her with a cat and save a shitload of money on Starbucks expenditures alone. People would be like, "Hey, did you get the new singing cat album?" and I'd be all "Meow, yeah!" because that's how popular it would be. True story.
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Nov 5 2009 Katy Perry at the MTV Europe Music Awards
Here's Katy Perry hosting the MTV Europe Music Awards this evening in Berlin, and what the- does her face actually look hot in some of these photos? More importantly, are those light up nipples? If so, I'm moving to Europe where they know how to throw decent awards show. No, really, those Kraut bastards get light up nips and all we got was Kanye West having hot flashes. Almost makes you wonder if World War II was worth it in the end after all, doesn't it? Me, too.
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Nov 5 2009 Blake Lively in Marie Claire and other news
- Jon Gosselin is spending Thanksgiving with Hailey instead of the kids. Hope she likes mantrums and gravy. [Betty Confidential]
- Chace Crawford is banging which Yankee now? [Lainey Gossip]
- Lady GaGa isn't satisfied with her last kill. The bloodlust rages on! [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Josh Duhamel prefers a "meatier" Fergie. [Insert penis joke here.] [Just Jared]
- Sharon Osbourne: "Susan Boyle looks like a hairy arsehole." [PopEater]
- HIlary Rhoda proves God meant for women to be sex objects. There's really no other rationale here. [Celebslam]
- Kirsten Dunst is still out there, folks. Stay vigilant and don't invite her in. [PopSugar]
- Morgan Freeman gets his piece of ass to stop saying he was drunk during last year's car accident. [Wonderwall]
- Kim Kardashian obviously has no idea what a black eye looks like. [ICYDK]
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Nov 5 2009 Mariah Carey hates your eyes
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume Mariah Carey was the creative director for this video because there's absolutely no way somebody else made a business decision where the end result is her doughy torso in a bathing suit. To put things in perspective, Nick Cannon probably looked at these then punched his penis in a corner until he lost consciousness or was told to put on his tux and serve Mariah's lunch. (I still haven't figured out how their marriage works.)
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